Hey Baby
by The Girl in the Red Jacket
Summary: Things have changed for the better. There is even a trip to see old friends planned but something could change all that very quickly. This is slash, consider yourself warned.
1. Hey Baby

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the Power Rangers. The song "Hey Baby" belongs to Brian Adams. It's on the single cd for "When You're Gone" and is kinda hard to find.

Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.

Hey Baby

It was quiet.

He supposed it was better that way. There could have been a big fuss. There would have been a big fuss if he had chosen to do this differently. He could have made a big deal of it, made it an issue, fought until the bitter end.

But he was tired of fighting.

Oh sure, he had been 'fighting' since he was fifteen. He had always been a bit of a warrior, more so than the rest of the original team and most of the people who joined their exclusive ranks later. That was part of the reason he had been a leader. Part of the reason he had lasted as long as he had in this situation.

Now, he did not want to fight anymore. Could not fight anymore. This was too personal. Too close to home. And he had already lost too much in the battle.

It was one thing to fight evil from somewhere else. It was easier when you were fighting to stop people from getting hurt. It was easier to fight beings you could clearly define as evil.

It was another thing altogether to have to fight against people you had known your entire life, people you had liked and respected who now hated you just because you were a bit different.

And he couldn't deal with it anymore. He just couldn't. He had been spread so thin for so long and hadn't minded, hadn't said a word in complaint. But this...this was too much. He couldn't stand being hated for this. It was his one, big breaking point.

Too be hated by people he had once, and still, loved.

* * *

He did have a regret though. He had to leave someone behind. He knew that if he asked his lover would have come with him, would have followed him anywhere and done anything with him, for him, but he couldn't ask that. He couldn't wreck two lives.

His life in Angel Grove was gone. It would never be the same. But he could spare his lover that, spare him the humiliation, the regret, and most of the pain, if he just left now. Quietly. Without a word.

He would set his lover free. Give him the option he had never gotten. He knew news spread like a wildfire in Angel Grove, since it was a pretty small town. He just hadn't expected himself to be flung aside as an outside so quickly.

It made him chuckle a bit to think about it. He should have known it but somehow...somehow he had hoped he would have been treated with a little more dignity, with a little more respect everything considered.

He shouldn't have been surprised when his parents had disowned him but he had been. He had hoped, prayed they would understand that they could love him for who he was. But no such luck. They didn't even give him a lecture, a choice, anything! He had been politely asked to leave and all of his belongings and papers and anything that showed he had once lived within his parent's house had been sent to him a few days later. They hadn't even delivered it in person. They couldn't even give him that.

He had held onto the hope that his parents would come around for six months and then given up. The denial of his very existence is what got to him the most. He hadn't just been disowned. He had never existed to them, he had never been born. As soon as his things were out the door it was as if his memory had been obliterated from their minds.

His father had not kept the fact he no longer had a son a secret for even a day and his mother was, within a week, denying he had ever existed. Of course, the reason he had been disowned was not kept in the closet for very long either.

If they didn't have a son any longer, his being gay couldn't shame them.

After that his life had become a living hell.

His boss hadn't cared, so at least he got to keep his job, but most of his bigoted co-workers had harassed him whenever they could and shunned him the rest of the time. It didn't matter that he was one of the nicest, kindest people you could ever meet, or that he was so good at his job he had won awards. He slept with other men. That was all they cared about.

His former team mates had made it very clear that they still loved and supported him, and both of them when those same team mates found out who his chosen partner. They also agreed to keep it a secret until things settled down a bit so that his lover wouldn't suffer they way he was.

But most of his other friends and the rest of the town had all openly expressed their disgust for him. Oh sure, there were a few exceptions, like his boss, like one jovial hangout owner, like a few of his former teachers and students, but the number was small compared to those who would look at him with open contempt.

The harassment got so bad he started to fear for his safety and that of his friends. He got a few threats, and one person actually punched him before they realized how much power was held in the stoic frame and ran the other way. But the isolation and the hatred was just too much for him.

A town of prejudiced people had done what no monster, no form of torture, no evil monarch could do.

They had broken him.

* * *

He was packed and ready to go. He had been before his lover slipped in unnoticed by the outside world. His suitcases were hidden, and he had only taken just enough to get him started where ever he ended up. There wasn't enough gone to alert his lover of his trip.

But his lover had noticed something was wrong, had realized he was hurting badly. They hadn't talked much. He had been gathered into a pair of strong arms and held close against a warm body as he finally gave in and cried. His lover hadn't really known what to do. He had known that the end of the rope was near but now that they were confronted with it neither knew how to proceed. So he had been comforted, had been rocked back and forth as nonsense words meant to sooth had been whispered into his ear and a pair of firm, warm lips had kissed away his salty tears.

* * *

"Don't cry, love. Don't cry. It'll all be alright. You'll see. It will all work out." The voice soothed him wonderfully but he knew it wasn't true.

"You don't know that."

"I know I love you." His lover had insisted. "And that we do have friends that will always be on our side. I know it's hard right now but it could get better. It has to get better."

"There's nothing else it can get." He had mumbled.

The comment had earned him a worried look. "Nothing can be that bad."

He had smiled sadly than. He was a bit jaded now but what could anyone expect after what he had been put through in the last few months. Reaching up to trace the handsome features he had made simple request. "Hold me. Just, please, hold me a little while longer."

* * *

They had made love afterwards. It was slow and gentle and tender and all the things that he wanted his lover to remember him by, just in case. He hoped they would find each other again, prayed that his lover would understand, wished he wouldn't be hated by his lover as well, and dreamed that one day they might be able to find a place they could be together without all the pain.

He had lay there afterwards and traced his lover's relaxed features lazily. It wasn't anything new. The man lying snuggled against him knew he had a tendency to get like that after they finished. He had shifted slightly, and taken his lover's lips slowly, memorizing every inch of that wonderful mouth and trying, desperately to convey all his love and passion in that long kiss.

His lover had just about melted when the kiss ended and was quickly fading towards sleep. He had held him close and let him snuggled so tightly against him he thought they might end up merging together into one person.

* * *

Now he sat on the edge of the bed, watching his lover for a few more moments as the other man slept on peacefully, completely oblivious to everything. Gazing down at those relaxed features was almost enough to make him reconsidered everything and stay.

But no. This was for the best. He knew that. He was sure of that, as sure as he was of his love for his partner.

He was ready to go and he almost made it to the door when he remembered and turned back for just a few, too short moments.

He walked back to the bed and pulled the envelope out of his pocket. Placing it on his pillow he took one last glance at his love. He couldn't resist reaching out to touch him once more.

His unsteady hand made it way through the long, brown hair slowly, as he wished he could have found another way to do this.

To his surprise his love moaned softly in appreciation and two sleepy eyes opened half way. A lazy smile spread over the lean features before the eyes closed again, the man still lying snuggled under the covers was still too asleep to realize what was going on or even that he was awake.

He bent down and touched his lips to his love's for a moment, feeling the slight pressure of the gesture being returned.

Then he straightened, turned abruptly but quietly, and snuck out of the apartment, grabbing his bags as he left his whole life behind him sleeping in the bed.

* * *

Tommy Oliver woke up alone the next morning. He frowned slightly. He had dreamt that his lover was leaving, hadn't he. Reaching over he felt that the other side of the bed was cold. No one had been there for quite some time.

Then he saw the letter.

Tommy reached for it with trembling fingers, dreading whatever was inside. His mouth went dry as he read the words written in the familiar scrawl that had flirted across the page of many a letter to him. None of those letters would have an impact on him as much as this one would.

Dear Tommy,

I am so sorry for leaving like this, without telling you. Please, forgive me. And don't think you could have prevented it if you had known. You couldn't have. I had to leave.

I love you. That's the one thing I have right now, my love for you. Please, don't think I don't love you. I do, I love you so much. Don't ever doubt that. My love for you has nothing to do with me leaving. I just couldn't stay.

I was dying here. You saw what it was like for me and that wasn't the full extent of what was happening. I tried to protect you from it but I couldn't protect myself. I can't breathe there anymore and everyday, every comment or sneer kills me a little more. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm sorry. There's no fight left in me. I've broken and I'll never be able to put the pieces of me that are left back together while I'm still in Angel Grove. I'm not welcome in my home any longer and that hurts so much that the pain sometimes feels physical.

Please, please understand why I've had to go. And I know you would have gone with me but you still have a life there. I can't take that away from you by asking you to give it up for me. I won't do that to you.

I will be in touch. I promise. I need you and love you too much to live without you, even if the only contact I have is through a letter or something.

I love you.

Jason


	2. My Way Out

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Power Ranger characters belong to Saban. The song 'My Way Out' belongs to David Usher.

Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.

My Way Out

It was a beautiful sunset. The sky was stained red, with painted stroke of pink and orange, blue waves laced with gold sparkles danced towards the sandy stretch of shore. It was the type of sunset you read about in romance novels, the type of sunset that is made for strolling couples and heartbreaking epiphanies and tearful reunions.

Jason did not see what was before him.

He often came to the beach to think. Sometimes he would sit for hours just staring out over the water he was not really seeing. It was really just the change of scenery that he craved, the idea of the beach that he craved. When he got there he found the same thing he did every time he ended up there, sitting and looking for a face he knew he would not see.

But he still came. The shred of hope and optimism left in him that had somehow managed to survive latched onto the area and what it symbolized. He knew, knew, he would not have the story book ending but maybe if he watched enough with eyes that did not take the scene in they would start to get through. And maybe, just maybe, if those happy ever after endings started being processed in his shuttered, broken heart he would be able to get rid of the pain long enough to start to rebuild.

It had been seven months since he had driven out of Angel Grove. He could remember every second of the long car ride to what would be his new home. He could still see every stretch of dark highway that seemed to drag on for endless miles.

Jason dreamed about that car ride sometimes.

It was always the same dream. He would be driving along that darkened, barren road, his headlights the only pair to be seen. The drive could be hours or seconds, the length seemed to be the only part that changed, but it always seemed too long. Anything that took him away from the only place he had ever consider his home was too far away. He would see the road end in the distance, the weathered asphalt trailing over the edge of the canyon Stone Canyon was named for. He did not stop the car, did not slow down or pull to the side, he just kept going. He wanted to keep going and he did. He went right off the edge, into the blazing sunset that seemed to come from the bottom of the canyon itself. And for an instant before the car started to plummet to the ground below he would see Tommy, his Tommy reaching out to him, there to save him. Only he by the time Tommy appeared it was too late. He was too far away.

Then Jason would wake up, sweating, shivering and very alone in the bed of his small, empty apartment.

After a few nights of the dream Jason had reached the end of his rope. He had nothing left to deal with things like that. It needed to stop.

It took about a week but he finally hit upon the solution. If he physically exhausted himself to the point of collapse he could manage a sleepless night. It was costing him though. He had lost a lot of weight, which was not good because he never felt like eating anymore and had to force himself to go out and grab something he only ever half finished. He never got enough sleep and was always tired. The bags under his eyes that had been there when he arrived were much more pronounced. He was worn down to nearly nothing but he kept running for hours or ran through at least dozen katas before letting himself go to bed to keep the dream from reappearing.

He had no strength left to deal with it.

* * *

There was another dream Jason remembered

It was of lazy days in a "wholesome", loving small town. Caring parents he knew loved him. Friendships with bonds so thick it was joked not even the Power Sword could cut through them. A lover he trusted with everything that was him. A life where he had not needed to exhaust himself to be able to sleep, where he did not live in a lonely apartment, where he was not just another anonymous person in a bit, scary world, a life where he did not feel emotional scars so deep he did not know how to even start healing them, a life where he felt whole.

Once upon a time it may have been real but now it was little more than a fond dream that stung when you pricked yourself by venturing too far towards more recent events.

Jason was not sure which dream he hated more. The one his unconscious mind came up with to torture him with or the dream that had once been his reality. He could not fully escape either and together they were wearing him down like sand wears down a piece of glass in the ocean. Only he doubted whatever was left of him would resemble a beautiful, smooth piece of sea glass in the end. In his mind his sharp, ugly edges would never go away only get thinner and more brittle until finally he shattered completely.

Or until there was simply nothing left.

Jason sighed as he got up, dusting the sand off his pants as he did. He turned and walked to his car without so much as a glance back at the masterpiece Mother Nature had painted across her sky canvas. He never took in that great beauty, all he saw when he sat there staring was a face, one he could never forget, not even if he pretended to try to.

When Jason's head hit the pillow that night his hair was wet from a hasty shower after doing so many push-ups in his living room his eyes could barely be forced open and his muscles burned. He was asleep before he could reach down and pull the covers up over himself.

But before dawn peeked her rosy face over the horizon Tommy was reaching out to for Jason as he flew off a cliff into the blinding sunset.


	3. When You Love Someone

Author's Notes: Whew. Coming out with a third chapter when this story was orignally meant to be a standalone is pretty good but for those of you who can't wait for the conforntation between Tommy and Jason (Hi Gamine!) don't worry. That'll be in the next one. :-) 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. When You Love Someone is another Bryan Adams song.

Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.

When You Love Someone

Tommy sighed as he pulled his car over to the curb and stopped. He could not believe he was actually here. He had promised himself from the start that he would not do this. He would not go looking for Jason. Jason was the one who had left; he could be the one who got in touch with him.

Okay, so he had been pissed off when he had promised himself that but he had a right to be. He had woken up one morning to find his lover gone. He had sat in Jason's apartment and read that stupid note and had his heart broken.

Tommy put his head down on the steering wheel and did not move for a long time. He could not decide what to do now that he was here. Part of him wanted to turn his car around, drive back to Angel Grove and forget all about Jason and what had happened between them. But he wanted answers. He wanted to know why he had been left behind.

He wanted to know why Jason had run away from him. The rest of the town he could understand. The small town Jason had called home since birth had accused, tried, and convicted him of being unworthy and unlovable. Tommy snorted at that thought. If anything Angel Grove was not worthy of Jason and anyone who could not love him just because he did not fit all the town's norms...well, Tommy would adore getting the chance to cheerfully tell them just where they could shove it.

No, Tommy could understand perfectly why Jason had needed to leave Angel Grove. Tommy had watched, helpless, as the life had been chocked out of his lover until he was completely broken. He had always said Jason's big heart would get him hurt one day, he just had not expected the people of his home town to be the ones to do that wounding.

So Jason had taken off, fleeing before anymore damage could be done. Tommy was not sure how much more damage Jason could withstand and he was almost glad when he left but it hurt that Jason had not asked him to go too or even told him about it before he left.

Jason had written him over the seven months he had been gone but a return address had never accompanied the letters. He had not wanted to be found, at least not yet, and that twisted the knife in Tommy's heart a little more. He had no way of speaking to Jason, no way of reassuring him or yelling at him or comforting him or telling him he loved him. And as it became very apparent that Jason was filling those blanks sheets of paper with himself, and all his pain, Tommy wanted to be able to reach him more than anything.

It was after he had received the last letter that Tommy had started to freak out over his lover again. It had become apparent in that letter that Jason thought Tommy was not reading the letters, that the sheets he had poured himself upon were never being opened, that he was still all alone in the world.

It was then that Tommy had really started looking for Jason. Before he had left it up to Jason to initiate returnable contact with him, it seemed fair since he was the one who left without a word in the first place, but now Tommy was scared for his lover.

* * *

It had not been long after that last letter that Tommy had received a phone call from his absent lover. The phone call came when had shocked Tommy so much the first time he had heard it he had passed out.

The phone call had been a break-up, a good-bye, and what Tommy thought was final farewell to the people he cared about before Jason did something drastic to himself. Trini had been able to calm him down in the end. She was still Jason's lawyer, though she did not know where he was any more than the rest of them did. However, she did know Jason had arranged for Tommy to be his benefactor should he die and also that Tommy be the first informed if he were to die. Neither of those things had happened so, she had assured him, Jason still had to be alive.

It had also been a blessing in disguise because, in the end, Billy was able to use it to trace Jason's location. Tommy had no idea how he had done it, partly because Billy had been so concerned and then become so excited he had lapsed back into his teenage technobabble, all that mattered is that he had been able to hand him a print out of Jason's new address. And then Trini had managed to get onto MapQuest when Tommy looked at the address and realized he had no idea where it was.

Tommy had quickly made arrangements so he would be able to leave. Rocky, his business partner and fellow teacher at their dojo, had been told it was a family emergency, which it was. Tommy suspected he had some idea of what was going on but he never said anything; just let Tommy know his classes would be covered until he could get back. Billy and Trini had agreed not to say anything to anyone else about Jason's now know whereabouts until Tommy had a chance to talk with him. Tommy needed to get Jason to explain why he had walked out on him before their other friends got in contact with him.

But on the long, lonely drive towards his lover Tommy wished he had had some companionship. His mind was in a whirl and, with nothing more than some bad radio stations to keep him occupied, it began to wander back to the last night he had seen Jason...

* * *

_As soon as Tommy slipped into Jason's quiet apartment he knew something was wrong. It had been rough going for his lover ever since the town had gotten wind that his sexual orientation was not what they wanted it to be, but around his friends and his lover Jason had still been Jason. He was a little quieter now but he was still the man they had all known and loved for many years. Whenever Tommy came to his home to stay the night, which was very nearly every night, Jason greeted him with a smile and there was always evidence of some sort of activity in the apartment from whatever Jason had been doing before Tommy arrived._

_That night there had been no sign that Jason had been watching TV, or reading, or catching up on some work, nor had Jason's ready smile been there for him. Instead Tommy found his lover sitting on the edge of his bed, his shoulders slumped in defeat, as he stared at the wall that blocked his vision from going any further._

_For a moment Tommy stood there, unsure of what to do, and then he sat beside his lover and turned the handsome face to look at him. The depth of the pain in Jason's eyes made his heart break. He gathered Jason into his arms, holding him close as Jason trembled as if trying to fight his tears and then broke down into gasping sobs._

_Tommy did all he could to comfort his lover. He rocked them back and forth, whispering what he hoped were soothing words and wiping or kissing away the tears that ran like rivers down Jason's cheeks._

_"Don't cry, love. Don't cry. It'll all be alright. You'll see. It will all work out." Tommy murmured when Jason had started to calm. Kim had always told him that sometimes you just need to release all your emotions and had a good cry. He wished it were that simple but he knew the reasons Jason was weeping were serious and not about to go away._

_"You don't know that." Jason told him in a shaky, still tearful voice._

_"I know I love you." He wished he could offer Jason something more substantial to hold on to but there was nothing he could give save for his heart and the knowledge that there were some who's love for him had not changed. "And that we do have friends that will always be on our side. I know it's hard right now but it could get better. It has to get better."_

_"There's nothing else it can get." There was a deadness, a hopelessness in the deep, rough voice that scared Tommy._

_"Nothing can be that bad." Tommy hoped he was right; he did not want to think about what would happen to Jason if it really was that bad._

_Jason reached up to touch Tommy's face in a gentle, familiar caress, a sad smile ghosting over his features. "Hold me. Just, please, hold me a little while longer."_

* * *

Tommy absently reached up to brush away a stray tear as he remembered how,  
after that short conversation they had made love. Jason had been incredibly tender and sentimental that night, laying for hours after they had finished just tracing Tommy's features. Then Tommy had chalked it up to everything Jason had been through to make him break down like he had. Now he knew it was because he was memorizing Tommy, making sure he would be able to remember every detail. Waking up and finding that damn letter after all that...Tommy just could not describe what it had done to him.

The first month after Jason had left Tommy was a wreck. He did not receive any letters from him during that time and swung between being worried out of his mind about him to being furious with him. It was all their friends could do to keep him from storming over to the Scott household, where the first trouble had begun, and taking his anger out on the people who had caused Jason the most pain. He did snap at anyone who made an even remotely derogatory comment about Jason, and his other friends were also known to have no tolerance for such remarks.

Their fierce protectiveness of their missing friend and the criticism of quite a few town members, some Jason had not even known were on his side, slowly began to create an uneasy feeling within Angel Grove. Like maybe what they had done to the town's one time golden boy was wrong and, in the long run, more their loss than his.

Things reached somewhat of a turning point when Skull, who had always made it clear to anyone who would listen that Jason was his friend and he would book anyone who harassed him without hesitation, arrested one particularly loud bigot, who had been hassling Trini about being friends with Jason, for defamation of character and harassment. The judge made the charges stick. His daughter had taken self defence classes from Jason, something that had come in handy when her boyfriend had turned abusive. After that changes in the town's outlook began to slowly be made.

By the time Tommy could go a week without hearing some slur about Jason the first letter had arrived. Tommy had recognized Jason's handwriting immediately and for a few minutes had simply stood rooted to the spot. He considered tearing it up unopened but found he could not. Instead he took it inside and put it on his nightstand. It sat there for two days before he finally decided to tear open the envelope.

It was short, awkward and had no return address but it was something. There were about half a dozen apologies but no explanation, at least not one good enough for Tommy to accept. It was sighed "love, Jason" and Tommy figured that that had to be worth at least a little.

After reading it and re-reading it a few times Tommy tossed it in the trash, only to retrieve it later that night and tuck it safely in a photo album. He repeated the process two weeks later when Jason's next letter, slightly less formal and much longer, had arrived and then again for the next six weeks until he had finally stopped pretending to wish Jason had never tried to contact him again. Then he started looking forward to the arrival of Jason's letter every two weeks, hoping for an address or phone number or invitation to come see him or word of a visit home.

That never came. Instead he got what damn well appeared to be a suicide note and then a phone message break up and good bye forever. But he never got a phone call or visit from the police and an address ended up being found in that awful phone message.

So here he was, sitting in his car outside what he hoped was Jason's apartment building, debating whether or not to just drive away.

* * *

'I should have known,' Tommy thought as he headed up the stairs, stalling for a little more time by not taking the elevator. 'I should have known I couldn't drive away. I couldn't tear up those goddamn letters. I can't let him go.'

Muttering softly under his breath, Tommy walked up eight flights and then going down one because he stopped paying attention to the numbers. The building was not impressive but it was not bad either. At least the door to apartment 705 was not, and later that door would be all Tommy remembered about the trip through Jason's complex on that visit.

Tommy sighed and reached out, rapping on the door until he heard the click of a lock being opened. He straightened his posture, preparing himself to see a face he had not seen in over seven months. This was it. He could not turn back now.

"Tommy?"


	4. Bed of Lies

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. The song is Bed of Lies by Matchbox 20. 

Author's notes: Here ya go Gamine. Hope you didn't find the wait too long and it's a real long one so that should make you happy! Enjoy the ice cream scene. I know I did:) I've made title pages for each chapter of this story. If you want to see them e-mail me at Also I've taken down the NC-17 stuff so doesn't boot me or anything. If you want it let me know!

And I'd like to say hello to my evil twin. She knows who she is. You're going to end up a villain in my next story. You know I'll do it!

Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.

Bed Of Lies

It was amazing how much a person could change within the course of a year. Tommy had expected a lot of things when he finally found Jason but the man in front of him certainly was not one of those things. Jason was thinner and paler than he had been on their last night together. He looked so tired and worn out and unhappy, for a moment Tommy wanted to forget his anger and hug him.

"Tommy?" Jason was surprised to see the man he had left behind in Angel Grove at his door and, honestly, a little panicked at his sudden arrival. "What are you doing here? You...you can't be here."

"Why? Have you replaced me already?" Tommy asked angrily as he shouldered his way past Jason and walked into the small apartment.

Seeing the place Jason had called home for the last seven months took some of the wind out of his sails. It hardly looked like one person was living there, it was so barren. He could see the kitchen and living room from where he was standing and, apart from a few second hand pieces of furniture, appliances and a desk piled to the brim with pieces of paper he recognized from Jason's work, it was void of life. There were no knickknacks or pictures or a radio or a TV, though Jason could afford them easily. There was nothing more than Jason needed to survive.

"You know I wouldn't do that." Jason sighed, closing the apartment door. He did not want to close it. He wanted to lunge through it and run away. He did not know if he could deal with what he was sure would happen.

"Seven month ago I knew you wouldn't leave me." Tommy snapped.

Jason flinched. "I didn't leave you. Not in that way. I didn't leave because of you or because I didn't love you. You were the only reason I stayed as long as I did."

"But I wasn't enough reason to stay permanently? What we had didn't matter enough?" Tommy retorted.

"No. At that point nothing would have been enough to make me stay." Jason sighed and sunk down onto his slightly shoddy couch. He gestured for Tommy to sit in the only other chair in the room that actually looked more comfortable than the couch. It was the only little bit of comfort Jason had managed to allow himself. "Sit down."

"I don't want to." Tommy muttered as he began to pace without even noticing what he was doing.

"Tom, I...I couldn't stay there any longer. You saw what it was doing to me. I just couldn't..." Jason began.

"So you ran away. And you left me behind." Tommy's voice shook with anger. That was what got to him the most. That Jason would leave without telling him or anyone else. That he did not care about them enough to let them know he was splitting. "You left all of us behind. How the hell could you do that, Jason? Did you intentionally want to hurt everyone who loves you? Did you want make us worried sick about you? I was frantic until Trini told me I'd be notified if anything happened to you and then I was pissed. Jesus Christ, you leave me but for some twisted reason you make sure that I'll know it if you're dead or hurt or in trouble. I didn't want that I wanted you. Did you want to hurt me like that? Why didn't you say anything? I would have gone with you, you know. I would have dropped everything and gone with you. But you didn't want that, did you? You didn't want me to come. You wanted to leave everyone behind, myself included, didn't you? How the hell could you do that to me you fucking heartless prick?"

Jason said nothing, just held his head in his hands and took whatever Tommy said. If anything that just made Tommy madder.

"Answer me, godammit! I deserve that at least." Tommy demanded.

"What do you want me to say?" Jason asked bleakly. "That I wasn't strong enough to stay? That..."

"Don't bullshit me Jason! You're the strongest person I know. You could have stayed if it meant enough to you, if I meant enough to you." Tommy shot back.

"No. I couldn't stay there. It was killing me." Jason sighed, his voice deadly calm as he looked away from Tommy. "I was lucky the opportunity to get transferred came up. Before...before I knew about it, before I knew I had the chance to leave, I was planning to kill myself."

Tommy was about to say something sarcastic in reply when Jason turned to meet his eyes. He knew then that it was true. There was a hopelessness, a deadness there. He had seen a look like that in Jason's eyes before, on the night he left, and it sent a shiver up his spine to see it again.

Tommy was floored and could only stand there with his mouth hanging open as Jason went on. "I had it all planned out. I was going to drive my car off the cliff of the Stone Canyon gorge. I even had Trini fix all of my legal business, that's why you would've been informed. You were my beneficiary, you had to be informed."

Tommy nearly lunged at Jason and kissed him savagely before Jason could think to react. The deadened look in Jason's eyes when he said that was too much for Tommy to stand; he had to get some other look into the midnight pools.

"Don't say that. Don't you ever fucking say that again. Don't ever think about it." Tommy whispered when he pulled away, his hands still cupping Jason's cheeks, their foreheads still touching, and their lips only millimetres apart. "Tom that's...that's what I was going to do. I planned it. I even made a goddamn will." Jason laughed bitterly.

"I don't care. That would have killed me, Jason. I would have followed you. Do you understand that? I would have followed you if you had killed yourself." Tommy told him.

"No, you wouldn't have. You had enough people to take care of you. Everyone still loves you, Tommy. They would've felt sorry for you. You defend you best friend even though he's a fucking faggot and then the asshole goes and kills himself. They would have hated me even more but they would have been good to you. You would have been okay." Jason told him.

Tommy got up again and went to stand by the window even though it only looked out onto a brick wall. His tone was slightly softer when he spoke. "Do you think that's what I wanted?"

Jason shrugged. "Maybe not want you wanted but what was best. Tom...I swear to God I love you. I never stopped loving you, not for a moment. It was never a question of that I just...I just wanted you to have to deal with as little pain as possible."

"You knew leaving in the middle of the night without a word was going to hurt me. You had to know that." Tommy's voice had a cutting edge in it again.

"Yes and in my more selfish moments I even wanted it to hurt a little bit because if my leaving didn't than you wouldn't...you wouldn't have loved me and I'm not sure I could've dealt with that. Our love was the only thing that kept me going for so long and I..." Jason broke off for a moment before struggling on. "If I had of stayed you would have been hurt worse. I thought...I was sure you'd be better off this way."

"I would be better off or you would?" Tommy questioned sharply.

Jason bit back a dry, sarcastic laugh. "What do you think? I have needed you so much, so many damn times but I...I couldn't do that to you."

"Couldn't do what to me? You had already left, already basically broke my heart. What was it you thought you were protecting me from?" Tommy snapped.

"Everything. You own a dojo, Tom. If everyone found out you were gay do you think there would be enough students left to keep the place open? You didn't see what they did to me, not completely. I tried to hide it from you and I managed to most of the time. The time I came home with a black eye was not the first time someone tried to attack me, it was just the first time you saw what the result was. And there are things that are worse than any physical injury, at least to me." Jason sighed and rubbed a hand over his weary face. "And to protect you from me."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me what was really going on? I could have done something to help." Tommy paused slightly, thinking about the last comment. "And why would I need protection from you?"

"Look at me." Jason replied, completely seriously. "Why would you want anything to do with me now? Why would anyone? Half the time I don't want to have anything to do with myself."

Tommy crossed the room again and took a seat beside Jason. Jason opened his mouth to say something but Tommy beat him to it. "Shut up. Just shut up. Just let me..."

Jason fell silent. He did not know what Tommy was up to and was not sure if he wanted whatever it was to be quick or not. He thought he would never see his love again and every extra second he was granted with him was heaven, but the longer Tommy stayed the more it would kill Jason when he finally decided it was not worth it and walked out of his life permanently. He could still feel Tommy's lips on his and his tongue invading his mouth, he did not know if he could deal with another reminder like that to torment him further.

Tommy gently cupped Jason's cheek with his hand and looked up to peer into those midnight eyes only to find they were closed. His face marred in a frown for a moment until he found out why Jason was shutting himself away. A silvery tear managed to escape the tightly shut eyes as Jason fought to keep his other tears at bay.

Tommy's face softened in concern and exasperated affection before leaning forward slightly and pressing his lips against Jason's. This kiss vastly contrasted the fast, hard one Tommy had given Jason earlier. This was soft and slow and sweet. Jason sat there stiffly, not responding, trying to keep himself from feeling anything. Tommy did not pull away though. He took his time, his tongue licking gently at his lips until Jason finally gave in and kissed him back, melting against Tommy as the kiss deepened.

They only broke apart when the need to breath firmly asserted itself. Tommy gathered Jason close and the dark head tucked itself under his chin. Jason did not resist, he did not have it in him to pull away. He deflated a bit, letting out a long, shaky sigh as he felt Tommy press a kiss to the top of his head.

"Don't..." Jason whispered, barely keeping his voice from breaking completely. He could not keep the tremors out of it as it was. "Please, don't do this to me. I can't take you doing this and then leaving I can't. Please, Tommy, don't do this, not unless...not unless you mean it."

"You're an idiot, Jason Scott." Tommy told him, hastily going on when he felt the body he held start to tremble at his words. "And a fool. I love you. Do you understand that? I love you, you idiot. And I'm sticking with you. I can't do anything else; I love you too damn much to. You're stuck with me now. I'm not letting you self destruct again. You and me against the world if need be. I'm not going to abandon you, Jase."

Jason gave on dry sob and buried his head in Tommy's shirt as Tommy continued. "I don't forgive you for leaving without telling me, not yet at least. I would have gone with you in a second if you'd asked and it still hurts that you didn't. I don't fully understand why you did what you did but I get some of it and I can't say I blame you for leaving Angel Grove. I...We still need to talk about a few things but not tonight, not tonight."

Tommy tightened his arms around Jason as the tremors increased. It was just too much for the bewildered young man to handle. He did not know how to react to this. He had never in a million years thought Tommy would find him or want him back. He had been expecting complete rejection and had gotten just the opposite. He did not know what to do.

"Shh. Jase, it's okay. Unless...unless there really is someone else and you don't want me anymore?" Tommy knew that was not the truth, could tell it by the way Jason was living, but he needed to get some reaction out of him to stop him from falling to pieces.

"NO! No, there's no one else. Never been anyone else." Jason jerked away, searching Tommy's face frantically for any signs of anger or disbelief. "I...Tommy...I love you...I...There's never been anyone else."

"Its okay, it's okay. I believe you. Shh." Tommy tried to sooth him, realizing for the first time that Jason was well and truly a mess right now. He ran his fingers from Jason's hair to his chin in a gentle caress that Jason leaned into longingly. For the first time that night he looked, really looked, at Jason and he did not like what he saw. He looked awful. "You've changed so much, Jase. You haven't been taking care of yourself very well."

Jason sighed softly as he leaned back into Tommy's arms. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." Tommy murmured, pressing a kiss against Jason's temple and silently beginning to form a plan to help his love out of the funk he had settled into.

* * *

When the two reunited lovers finally managed to untangle themselves Jason found himself faced with a bit of a dilemma. He had to go into work tomorrow for at least half the day and had not yet finished his drawings or exercised enough to have a dreamless sleep. He had a feeling that, when Tommy was around, he would not be doing that anyway. He knew that what he was doing, that forcing himself to the point of unconsciousness was not healthy and that Tommy would be upset to find out he needed to do so to be able to sleep.

Jason knew he could finish the little he had to do quickly but Tommy did not. He figured he could stay up late enough to be really tired and then catch a little sleep on the couch so he would not disturb Tommy with his nightmares. Tommy, however, had other plans. He disappeared into the bedroom for about two hours, long enough to call Billy on his cell phone to assure him he had found their wayward friend and get his advice on his new concerns regarding Jason. They agreed it would not be best to try to get Jason to return to Angel Grove or even force him into seeing his friends again, until he was ready and that Tommy was going to have to be careful with him, since Jason appeared to be more fragile than either of them had expected.

By the time he had finished the phone call Tommy knew Jason was not planning on joining him that night. He understood more about his lover's work than Jason realized and had seen he did not have that much more to do even taking into account how much of a perfectionist Jason was when it came to his work. Tommy thought about it for a few moments and then decided that he needed to be with Jason, even if just to hold him for the night.

Jason was pouring over some minuet and perfect details in his latest set of sketches when Tommy's hands slid over his shoulders and his lips placed a kiss near his temple. He sighed as Tommy drew back a bit and gentle but firm thumbs began to make small circles on the back of his sore, stiff neck.

"You have to work in the morning." Tommy murmured. "Come to bed."

"I don't sleep all that much anymore." Jason confessed, leaning into Tommy's massaging hands. "And I was going to sleep on the couch tonight. I wasn't sure whether you'd want to share a bed with me or not."

"You need to sleep more. You look exhausted." Tommy leaned forward to whisper in Jason's ear, sending slight shivers through him. "And I need to be with you tonight."

Jason moaned softly as Tommy's lips caressed the side of his neck. He let Tommy pull him out of the chair and led him to his bedroom. He was afraid, desperately afraid of Tommy finding out just how flawed and unlovable that he had become, but he could not resist the other man. Not for a moment.

Tommy had simple planned on getting Jason to sleep but as they were about to get into bed he leaned over and kissed him. It was supposed to be soft and reassuring but the moment their lips touched that all changed. It was like a jolt of electric passion ran through them both and suddenly seven months of being without each other caught up to them.

They next thing they knew they were all but tearing the clothing off of each other. The need to touch was uncontrollable. It had been far too long since they had been able to feel the bare skin of the other against their own, feel their bodies entwined, feel their breaths mingle and their hearts beat rapidly in a delicious, synchronized rhythm.

Tommy refused to lose contact with Jason, even as they hastily stripped. Some part of him needed to be in contact with the other man, just to reassure him that Jason was really there. That this was really happening.

Jason, on the other hand, would have liked to be able to step back for a moment. He was wont to hesitate, rather than trust himself and the man he was with. It was not that he no longer trusted Tommy; he did with all his being. He simply did not trust himself any longer, not in any respect.

But Tommy was not about to let his lover step away from him, even for the briefest instant. As soon as their shirts were off he was behind Jason, the bulge in his rapidly tightening khakis pressing against Jason's ass as he quickly unzipped and pulled down Jason's jeans, his mouth trailing nip kisses down his lover's throat. His boxers and jeans were off and before Jason could think he was working on removing Tommy's while teasing hands slid over his ass and he was thoroughly kissed.

"Tommy...you sure?" Jason gasped as he felt Tommy's cock slid against his own.

"Yes." Tommy replied quickly as he and Jason all but fell onto the bed together.

Tommy quickly manoeuvred them so that he Jason was lying on his back on the bed. He gave his lover a small, mischievous smile before showing Jason he had not forgotten any of the things that made him squirm and moan beneath his expert ministrations. He loved the fact he had the power to make Jason forget everything except the pleasure he was giving him. He thought it was just what his lover needed.

Jason nearly came at Tommy's first touch. He normally was not as sensitive as he was tonight but it had been too long since anyone had touched him with such love and care. The slightest brush of Tommy's hands or lips or tongue was enough to send jolts throughout his entire body.

"Lube? Condom?" Tommy questioned shortly before returning to the feast before him.

"I haven't..." Jason groaned. "...haven't got any."

"What?" Tommy jerked his head up. He could not believe Jason would take a risk like that! "Jason, you better not have been fucking anyone without a condom. I know you and I did but we'd never been with anyone before. Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"I haven't been with anyone." Jason mumbled quietly. "I couldn't, not when I still...Have you been with anyone else?"

"No, but there's not exactly a lot of choice in Angel Grove and we hadn't exactly broken up." Tommy replied. "Not when you were still what?"

"In love with you." Jason said softly. "I hadn't planned on break up with you. I just...I don't know...I just..."

"Shh. It's okay." Tommy shushed him quickly, seeing Jason was starting to get upset.

He moved upwards again, drawing Jason into a loving kiss as he stretched out so his body covered as much of Jason's as he could. He could feel Jason's tense body melting beneath him and he relaxed as well. Some things they would need to take slowly.

But Tommy knew one need they both had was not going to be one of those things.

"I have lube in my bag but I don't want to leave long enough to get it." Tommy admitted.

Jason smiled slightly and hesitantly commented. "You were that confident you'd be getting some tonight?"

"Not tonight specifically, but at some point over the weekend. If I had been that confident about tonight I would have kept it in my pocket." Tommy replied, silently celebrating the fact Jason made the small joke.

"I don't think that would have done us much good either. Did you see where your jeans ended up?" Jason asked, slightly more assured.

"No. And I don't really care either." Tommy was loathe to leave Jason, even for the minute it would take to grab the lube he had sitting in the front pocket of his bag, but he was not taking the chance of hurting his lover, especially not now.

It took nearly ten seconds for Tommy to vault off the bed, paw through the bag's pocket to get to the lube and return to Jason with the tube and a nearly bruising kiss. The old Jason would have laughed at Tommy's impatient antics. Now Jason just reached for him and kissed back just as hard.

"I want you so bad." Tommy whispered huskily as Jason rolled over onto his stomach.

Their lovemaking was frantic and hard. They had been apart to long, the feelings were simply too much...

The collapsed together onto the bed afterwards, sweating and shivering as they fumbled into a close embrace.

"Tommy..." Jason began, clinging to his lover almost desperately, "Tom, I'm sorry. I know...I know you're angry that I left. I'm sorry I did that to you. I know you would have come with me. I'm sorry. I..."

"Shh. Sleep. I'll be here in the morning. I promise." Tommy soothed. "We'll talk about everything then. It's been a long night, for both of us. Just sleep. Everything is going to be okay now."

"I love you." Jason murmured. The emotional exhaustion the day brought catching up with his already spent system.

"I love you too, Jase." Tommy began stroking his lover's broad back, easing him further towards sleep. "Now, shush. Get some rest. You need it."

Jason muttered something too softly for Tommy to hear and snuggled further into the arms that held him. For the first time in far too long he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

Tommy woke several times that night to find Jason stirring fitfully in his sleep, a deep frown marring his face. But when Tommy pulled him back into his arms or stroked his back or reached out to run his fingers through the dark hair, he sighed softly and stilled. It awed him that his touch had that much power over Jason. It also scared him.

He knew from the way Jason acted and reacted to him tonight that he was more of a mess than Tommy had thought possible. He was not the same person who Tommy had made love with that last night in Angel Grove.

'Or', Tommy felt a sense of dread and sadness wash over him, 'maybe he is and I just didn't notice how bad it had gotten. I knew he was hurting, that the whole situation had gotten way out of hand and that it was doing something to him but I didn't think it was that bad. How much of what he went through did he hide from me in an attempt to protect me? And how much did it cost him to do so?'

Jason moaned softly and flinched in his sleep, tearing Tommy's thoughts away from the past and back to his distressed lover. He hugged Jason's again trembling body closer and stroked the broad back soothingly. Jason immediately began to relax but his face remained troubled.

"I'm here, Jase." Tommy whispered. "I'm with you. I love you. You're safe. I'm here now."

Jason murmured something incoherent and snuggled further into Tommy's arms before sighing softly and settling back into a deep, undisturbed sleep.

Tommy brushed a kiss against his now smooth forehead, relishing the feeling of his Jason being back in his arms. And this time, he promised himself it would be for good. He had told Jason he would not abandon him and he planned on keeping his word. A small part of him felt he had failed Jason, failed him by not seeing how deeply he had been hurt and failed him by not being able to protect his love as Jason had protected him. He refused to let himself fail Jason again. Now, with Jason as fragile as he currently was, there was far too much at stake.

Tommy lay awake for a long time that night, soothing Jason when he needed to be soothed and, continuing to plan out what he could do to help rebuild the precious parts of his love that seemed to have shattered under the brutal attacks he had faced all alone. Tommy knew the pieces were still there, that the Jason he had first fell in love with was still there, all he had to do was help put them together again. He would help Jason heal or die trying. That was just the way it was going to be.

* * *

When Tommy awoke the next morning, having finally drifted off after several sleepless hours, Jason was sitting on the bed fully dressed and watching him. He grinned slightly and reached for his hand, rubbing his thumb over Jason's knuckles gently. Jason smiled in return, and leaned down to kiss Tommy's hand.

"I have to go to work but I didn't want to leave before you woke up." Jason flushed slightly. "I couldn't leave a note. I called in earlier to see if I could get the day off but no such luck."

"S'okay, Jase, I knew you'd have to go into work today." Tommy assured him. "I'm glad you hung around until I was awake though. I'm not sure I could have taken another note."

Jason turned away, hanging his head guiltily. "I...There's not a lot in the fridge but there should be enough for some breakfast. I'm going to try and get off at around noon but I'm not sure I'll be able to. I usually work late and..."

"Jase..." Tommy tugged gently on the hand he still held. "Come here."

Jason turned, his eyes suspiciously moist, and crawled into Tommy's embrace. He sighed softly as the strong arms encircled him and lifted his head to meet Tommy's waiting lips. They kissed slowly and deeply, reassuring each other that last night had not been a dream.

When they parted Tommy just held Jason for a few moments, letting him regain his composure. Tommy had to admit the probably looked pretty funny at the moment. He was still naked under the covers and Jason was curled up in his arms in his business clothes which were rather dressy. If it weren't for the fact Jason's tense body was beginning to relax next to him he would have laughed.

They could not stay like that for long, as Jason did have to head into work. He reluctantly got up again but Tommy grabbed his arm before he could leave. He knew Jason was still battling his uncertainty and he would rather him leave with a smile than a frown.

"I'll be here when you get back, I promise." Tommy gave him a lopsided grin. "Though if your fridge is too empty I might have to go grab something from the nearest grocery store. You have cleaned out any undesirable leftovers out, haven't you? I don't want to run into anything that's evolved into a new life form while I'm looking for my breakfast."

Jason laughed, it was slightly forced but it was still a laugh. "You won't run into anything that moves, I promise." He kept the fact that he would hardly run into anything at all to himself. He had to go to work. He could not get Tommy upset by telling him he had not exactly been eating a lot because that would get him upset.

"Good." Tommy got up, pulled on his boxers and followed Jason to the front door.

"Call me at noon if you can get off or if you can't, okay?" Tommy requested.

"I will." Jason replied. He hesitated for a moment than leaned forward and kissed Tommy gently. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jase. Now get going or I might not be able to let you leave for another half hour or so." Tommy teased, glad to see the smile playing around his lips as Jason left.

He had gone to get himself some breakfast only to find that Jason's entire food supply consisted of two whole wheat buns, a nearly full thing of expired cream cheese and half a litre of milk. The site of that fridge, and the fact that Jason was much thinner than he used to be, got Tommy worrying again. Jason was incredibly health conscious, or at least he had been, and now it looked as if he had not been eating well or much.

Tommy sighed as he mentally added getting Jason to eat to his list of things to do before he had to go back to Angel Grove. Getting him to open up about what was going through his mind and getting him to sleep through the night were also up there on the top of list. Unfortunately, Tommy had yet to come up with a good enough idea of how to get Jason relaxed enough to breach any of those topics without him starting to freak out.

Turning over several okay, but not good enough, ideas in his mind as he made his way to the bathroom only confirmed to him that he was not all that sure of what he was doing. A call to the cavalry might be in order. After all, Kim probably had more than a fair share of ways to get Rocky to relax enough to do whatever she wanted him to. She might be able to give him a suggestion, even though he just wanted to get Jason talking rather than seduce him.

But first a shower was in order. Tommy grinned as he remembered fondly why he was in desperate need of a shower this morning. He and Jason had fallen asleep rather sticky the night before.

"Well, shit." Tommy muttered to himself as he stepped into the bathroom. He had seen it briefly last night but he had not really taken it in, having been distracted at the time.

Jason's bathroom was really the only nice part of his small, shabby apartment. The previous owner had, at one point, planned on redoing the whole place before he got married and ended up moving in next door to his Greek parents-in-law who were right out of the movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. He had only gotten around to re-doing the bathroom before he moved. It was not that big, most of the space being filled with the spacious tub, but it was possibly the nicest room in the little place and could very nearly be called cozy.

The idea hit Tommy when he was standing under the shower. He laughed out loud when it came to him since he had been in there enjoying the rivets of soothing hot water running down his tanned, muscular body for over twenty minutes already. He quickly rechecked the size of the tub to make sure he could pull it off and was happy to find more than enough room to do so. There were even jets in the thing if he could figure out how they turned on. He briefly wondered why anyone would bother to install such a nice bathtub in such a crummy apartment. Seducing women, and not necessarily Greek ones with large, loud families, did not even cross his mind.

Ten minutes later he headed out of the apartment and hailed a taxi. As much as he hated going he was headed to the nearest mall. First to pick up some breakfast, even though he was not the biggest fan of greasy food, then to pick up the things he needed to set his plan in motion. He figured he would have to call Kim to give him a few pointers as to how to pull it off properly but he was confident that his idea, combined with that fact that he would be there not getting angry at all, would get Jason to open up to him again.

* * *

Karen Mills noticed that something was different about her best architect the moment she spotted Jason on his way in that morning. She had always had a soft spot for the usually utterly miserable looking young man who came in early and left late every day as if he had nothing worth going home for. He was never anything but kind to his fellow employees, even those who made messes he ended up having to fix, but at the same time he was detached, never letting anyone get at all close to him. She had heard a few rumours about him and why he was so distant, that his wife had left him and taken their kids, that his girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend, that he was gay and his lover had just been toying with him, but she tended not to believe anything that did not come from the horse's mouth.

'Or something like that,' She thought, absently shaking her head.

This morning he was actually smiling and considering he usually carried this area of immense, impenetrable sadness about him that was a feat. He also requested taking a half day and informed her over their computer messaging system that he would not be coming in tomorrow. He technically had every Sunday off but he had never actually taken the day off before.

"Kitty, can you get Mr. Scott into my office please." Karen requested.

She hated to do it to him but she just could not let him take that half day, not today. Two of the employees on Jason's team had messed things up again. They were, most of the time, more trouble than they were worth but, seeing as they were the head honcho's nephews they could not exactly be fired.

"You wanted to see me?" Jason said when he arrived in her office a few minutes later.

"Yes. I can't let you out of here early today. Your favourite team members have set us back, yet again, with their screw up." Karen told him. "I'm sorry. You've never asked for time off before and God knows you deserve it for the work you do around here."

"That's alright." Jason sighed. He's eyes flickered over the folder Karen had handed him, which outlined the current problem they had. It would not be that hard to fix but it would be time consuming.

"By the way, whatever you're doing keep it up." Karen commented as he was about to leave.

"Pardon?" Jason asked, confused.

"You're happy for the first time since I've met you. Keep it up. You're much more attractive when you're smiling. It gives the girls something to swoon over in this office so I don't have to worry about them running downstairs to see that delivery man they all like so much." Karen told him.

'Ah, Ricardo,' She thought to herself fondly, thinking of the once a day distraction. Hot as hell and he came bearing good food and great desserts, what a dream! 'I can't get any of the girls to work for the hour you're here and you know it but as long as you keep personally delivering my lunch to me I don't give a damn.'

"Let me guess. You've either gotten back together with your boyfriend or found a new one. Or you've just gotten yourself laid." Karen's secretary, Kitty commented through the open door, her gaze flickering from the letter she was typing to Jason's face which abruptly went very pale.

"What? How did you?..." Jason stuttered in shock. His head had started spinning and his stomach was starting to roll. His limbs felt heavy, as if he was about to faint. This could not be happening. Not again.

"Oh please, my gaydar is fully operational." Kitty replied.

"Are you alright?" Karen asked concerned, she saw Jason start to sway on his feet and hastily pushed him into the nearest chair before he could collapse on her.

"Breath." She instructed, rubbing Jason's back as he gulped down a few breaths. "That's it. Good. You're alright."

Kitty came over, carrying a glass off water which she offered Jason. He took it gratefully; his mouth had gone dry on him at some point. By the time he had finished it the danger of fainting had passed and he was not as worried. After all, the two women had helped him, rather than letting him drop to the floor and leaving him there.

"Sorry. I didn't think you would have that reaction." Kitty apologized, realizing she had probably stumbled on a sore spot. She did not know why Jason had transferred here from his home town but she could guess from his reaction at least part of the reason. "You're in good company. Karen attended by commitment ceremony. I'll be with my Suzie six years on Tuesday."

"Oh." Jason blushed slightly. "Sorry for freaking out like that."

"Not a problem." Karen assured him. "I'm guessing you've had some bad experiences in the past."

"That's putting it rather mildly." Jason sighed.

"Well, I hate to say it but I wouldn't advertise it around here. Most of them think me being with another women is kinky but I doubt most of them would react the same way to you being gay." Kitty advised. "It doesn't help that my parents named me Kitty and hers called her Suzie. Honestly, we sound like most men's wet dreams."

"I think they already know. Someone must have already found out somehow." Jason sighed. "Nothing has happened yet but I've heard a few comments I think were directed towards me."

"They may be just rumours. You're not exactly the most cheery person in the world since you came here. Some of the things I've heard as to why are quite intriguing." Karen's face darkened. "If they do try anything I'll go after blood. I'm not losing my best architect because they're a bunch of Neanderthals."

"Thanks." Jason smiled weakly. It was nice to know someone he hardly even knew was willing to go to bat for him.

"Okay then. Get as much as you can done and get out of here by six. I don't want you here until all hours. The janitor should not see your office light on again. Go home to your guy." She smiled. "And tell him from me to keep up whatever it is he's doing to you. You tend to get better work from your employees when they aren't miserable all the time."

* * *

Jason arrived back at his apartment around 6:20 that night with a rather bad headache. He had spent most of the day fixing what two of the somewhat inept people on his team had somehow managed to screw up. He knew they had meant well, and they had both apologized profusely for the mess, but it still meant a lot extra work for him.

Bob and Brad Baxter were not bad people, they were actually quite nice and had always been kind to him, they were just bumbling idiots on most occasions and they could not be fired since they were the boss' nephews. He knew that their sister, Betty, also had a job with the company but was less trouble and in a different office, though she had worked under him before. He had not often run into the father, Bernard, who, like his sons, was not of much use. He had a lower management position and spent most of his time golfing with clients. The mother, Brenda, was the only one Jason had not had to deal with yet, seeing as she was a teacher and stayed away from the office. He didn't blame her. Quite frankly, he thought that people who named their children the way they had were a bit odd.

The day's only real bright spot was knowing he would come back to his apartment to see Tommy. He was a bit apprehensive, he knew Tommy was not yet satisfied with the reasons he had given him for leaving nor was he happy about the way Jason was now. Jason could not blame him since he was not too thrilled with himself these days either.

Jason simply could not seem to get what had and still was going through his mind out. He knew that his reasons for everything he had done were good, at least from his current mindset they were, but he had an almost paralysing fear that Tommy would, after seeing how weak and afraid he was, decide he was not worth it and leave him. Jason knew he would not be able to survive that, not now.

Some small rational part of his mind told him he was being an idiot. That if Tommy came looking for him after he left and sent him all those letters without any address and the phone call break up and everything else that he was not just going to walk away from him. He knew Tommy would never be that cruel and that he loved him too.

But his irrational fears would not abate and new almost self loathing did not leave him in the best state of mind, especially since Tommy had seemed so angry for most of the time last night. He didn't know what to do. Jason sighed, it seemed like he had not known what to do for the longest time and whenever he did know he ended up hurting himself even more.

For a moment Jason considered walking back out the door and going for a very long run or holing himself up in his office for the next few years maybe. Then Tommy appeared with a smile on his face and kissed him in greeting. Jason just melted. He was so tired of trying to fix his life only to have it fall to pieces on him that he was more than happy to let the only person, in his mind, who seemed to care about him call the shots for awhile.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked, after studying his boyfriend intently for a few moments "You seem a little out of it."

Jason managed a somewhat shaky smile. "I'm fine."

Tommy frowned. The last time he had let Jason convince him he had been fine when he was obviously not there had been disastrous consequences. "Are you sure? You don't seem fine."

"I am. My head just hurts a little." Jason told him. "It just wasn't the best day I've ever had. I'm okay now." 'You're here.' He added silently to himself.

"Do you want some Tylenol or something?" Tommy asked. He could not think of any reason not to believe Jason, though he knew he was being nonchalant about it.

"That might be nice but I'm not sure I have any." Jason admitted. "I...uh...I haven't kept the best eye on how much stuff I have around."

"So I noticed." Tommy remarked dryly. "Your fridge is stocked now, by the way."

Jason's forehead creased a little. "You didn't have to do that, Tom."

"Yes I did. I was hungry." Tommy smiled. "And I was going to make you dinner but..."

"Ah." Jason smiled slightly, recognizing the smell of burnt food. "You didn't have to do that either."

Tommy laughed and repeated his previous comment. "Yes I did. I was hungry and I'm still hungry."

"There's a deli around the corner." Jason paused; he honestly did not know what kind of restaurants where around since he never visited them. "And I think there's a Wendy's few streets over."

Tommy raised his eyebrow slightly at Jason considerable lack of knowledge about the neighbourhood he lived in. Even if he never ate out it was hard to miss the IHOP, Mr. Greek, Great Wall and St. Hubert's that were all within a few minutes of the apartment.

"Actually I managed to put something together but first I wanted to show you something." Tommy told him, taking Jason's hand.

Jason smiled slightly. "What?"

"You have to see it." Tommy insisted, leading Jason down the hall.

"Should I close me eyes?" Jason asked, a tiny tinkle of laughter in his voice.

Tommy grinned, that he had not thought of. "I've got a better idea."

He stepped behind Jason and covered his eyes with his hands. Jason stiffened but only for a moment. The warmth of Tommy's body against him was the only thing that kept him from freaking out. Not being able to see what was coming at him, even in his own apartment was a scary prospect these days.

Tommy felt Jason's reaction to his playful gesture and uncovered his eyes immediately. He wrapped his arms around Jason's waist and leaned forward to kiss the side of his neck instead. "The door is closed anyway so you don't need to be blindfolded."

Jason raised his eyebrow slightly when he realized they were standing in front of the closed door of his bathroom. "You do realize that this is my bathroom right?"

"Uh huh." Tommy grinned impishly and swung the door open.

When Tommy opened the door you could have knocked Jason over with a feather. Jason knew why the previous owner had spent so much money on an over the top bathroom but he had never seen the full effect of what it looked like fully romanticized. It was quite stunning.

He and Tommy had never been very romantic around each other, and certainly never like this. Neither of them had really cared for it all that much, though it was nice on occasion. But the fact that Tommy would do something like this for him, even after everything that had happened, it took his breath away.

The whole room was lit with candles of all different shapes and colours and sizes. They were all over most of the flat surfaces including the far ledge of the bathtub, which was full of hot water and bubbles, and its corners. There was a small cooler beside the tub and a radio/cassette player Jason knew he had not seen before on top of the toilet lid. Jason also picked up a faint scent. He was not sure what it was but it smelt good and he had a suspicion that it came from the bubble bath.

"Tommy..." Jason mumbled in slight shock. "You...you did this?"

"Uh-huh." Tommy replied.

Tommy was quite pleased with the result even if he hadn't followed Kim's advice, which he had gotten in an hour long phone call, to the letter. In her opinion he needed Champaign or wine, roses and some ridiculously expensive jewellery. And all of the candles had been purchased at the dollar store where they were from three to five for a dollar. Knowing Kim she would have told him to get name brand candles, if there were such a thing, but who could really tell the difference?

Of course, he was pretty sure she was recalling something Rocky had once down for her, no doubt with the help of one of his sisters, while she was talking to him especially since at the end of their conversation she had said she needed to go jump her husband. Since neither or them really liked wine or roses or Champaign or ridiculously expensive jewellery he was pretty sure it didn't matter that he did not include any of those things.

"For me?" Jason questioned disbelief still in his voice.

"Who else would I do it for?" Tommy replied, wondering who else Jason thought he could have done it for since it was in his apartment.

"Why?" Jason asked.

Tommy had not been expecting that question but he had an answer for it anyway. "Because you're too tense and you deserve to relax a bit. When's the last time you did something for you?"

"Oh." Jason flushed slightly.

"Well, do you like it or what?" Tommy asked playfully. He could tell be Jason's expression, which was dumbfounded but pleasantly so, that he did.

"Yeah. I can't believe you would do this for me though." Jason replied, not even realizing that he had taken a step forward into the softly lit room. "Where did you get all this stuff?"

"The same place I got the food that's in your fridge. The mall around here isn't too crowded you know." Tommy commented. He knew Jason had never been into the mall thing, neither had he, but perhaps he would venture out to buy something to put a little life into his apartment if he knew he wasn't going to run into hordes of people.

"This is way too much." Jason told him. "I love it but...How much did this cost you to do this?"

"Don't worry about it." Tommy said firmly. "Stop worrying, just for tonight. You can start again tomorrow if you have to. I promise. It's done now; let me think of the cost. Just relax and enjoy it, okay?"

"O...Okay..." Jason mumbled, still blown away by the gesture. He really could not get the idea that someone would want to do something like this for him wrapped around his mind.

At that approval Tommy began to slowly strip Jason and himself of the clothing, making sure they were touching and kissing gently all the time. Jason eased into the warm water and leaned against Tommy, who had gotten in before him. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment, tilting his head up to kiss Tommy softly.

"Thank you." He murmured as an arm wrapped around his waist. "This is more than I deserve."

Tommy frowned at that comment, glad Jason's eyes had closed so he couldn't see it. "Actually it's less. There's more, but just a little."

Jason eyes opened lazily, "Hmm?"

Tommy smiled and tried to reach for the cooler. He couldn't quite make it and ended up nearly slipping. Jason bit back a chuckle as Tommy cursed under his breath as he shifted and managed to grasp the cooler if only barely.

With a grin, Tommy opened the lid and revealed his final surprise. A medium size tub of Baskin & Robin's peanut butter chocolate ice cream. Jason's favourite kind.

At any other time Tommy would have laughed at the expression on Jason's face. It was a mixture of disbelief and the type of joyful surprise you find on the face of a little boy who's dad brought him home candy from the corner store. Tommy liked the expression so much he popped a spoonful of ice cream into the slightly open mouth and followed it up with a kiss.

"Mmm." Jason moaned into Tommy's mouth as they shared the taste of the ice cream.

"I wholeheartedly agree." Tommy said when they parted, a smile in his voice, as he licked his lips.

"I owe you a tub of caramel swirl for this." Jason told him, his eyes sparkling more than they had since Tommy arrived though still duller than normal.

"I'll hold you to that." Tommy murmured, eating his own spoonful and letting Jason initiate the kiss this time. He did, a little less forcefully than Tommy had but he still did.

As they traded spoonfuls and kisses their laughter became more frequent. Snuggled close together in the foamy tube and laughing frequently as they were it couldn't be helped that occasionally the spoon slipped and tasty smudges were left on noses or chins or cheeks. Generally licking it off just made more of a mess but it was fun to try.

There were a few bigger smears left behind when a kiss got more involved and the spoonful of ice cream got forgotten about even after it started to drip into the water or onto the two men trading tongues and tastes. One especially long kiss left Tommy with a dripping mess of ice cream on his cheek. Jason made swift work of it though, licking the tasty mess away as Tommy shivered pleasurably.

"Get it all?" Tommy asked playfully when Jason drew back.

"No." Jason teased, deliberately scooping some of drippy ice cream still on the spoon up with his finger and streaking Tommy's noise with it.

"Hey! You rat!" Tommy exclaimed, surprised but pleased. If it were not for the shadows that still lingered in Jason's eyes he would have thought nothing was wrong.

Tommy popped another spoonful in Jason's mouth and, as he kissed him, shifted so some of the chocolate would dribble down Jason's chin. When they broke apart it looked like Jason had stuck his chin into an ice cream cone. Tommy chuckled slightly, wishing he had a camera to capture the two of them at that moment.

"Got you back." He teased, pressing a short kiss to Jason's mouth and then leaving a chocolatey streak on his cheek by licking the area.

"So it seems." Jason replied cryptically. Though his tone was light Tommy had to keep himself from shuddering at that remark. It bordered on the reality of their situation too well.

"Don't you worry. I'll always get you back." Tommy replied, his voice more serious than he had planned.

Jason paused and stared at him for a moment, his eyes shimmering slightly with Tommy thought could be unshed tears. Then he diffused the situation by popping the last mouthful of their treat into Tommy's mouth and kissing him gently. It was different from the teasing, fun kisses they had shared well devouring the whole container of ice cream. It was slow and gentle and said more than Jason had the whole night. Tommy could feel Jason's lips trembling as they kissed and sought to reassure him, his tongue luring Jason's into a delicate dance.

They only parted when their lungs cried for oxygen. Jason sighed softly and lay back against Tommy, nuzzling his neck gently as he relaxed against his lover, his eyes closing in bliss. Tommy's arms wrapped around his waist again and he knew that he could not wait any longer for answers.

"Why was your fridge so empty this morning?" Tommy asked gently.

Jason's body stiffened slightly against him. "I haven't had a chance to go shopping yet. I normally just pick something up on the way home from work anyway."

"That thing of cream cheese had expired two months ago. If you picked food up on the way home they would be more empty containers around the house." Tommy sighed, carefully keeping the anger he felt out of his voice. "Don't lie to me Jason. Don't keep secrets because you think you're protecting me. I don't want to lose you again because I don't what's going on."

Jason pulled away from him slightly and sat up, hunching over as he wrapped his arms around himself. Tommy wanted to touch him, comfort him, but he didn't think Jason would let him yet. Their bodies were still touching, it wasn't that big a tub and, short of getting out completely, Jason could not really lose contact with him fully, but he had pulled away as much as he could, trying to distance himself.

"Tom...Things have changed. I've changed. There are a lot of things about me now I don't think you'll like. I don't like a lot of them but I can't...I don't know how to make it all stop." Jason's voice shook and his body shuddered slightly. "I'm not sure that you'll want to be with me anymore once you find out...I'm not...I'm not worth the effort."

"I should have told you before and when you leave me now it's going to hurt so bad but...but I needed this, you, so badly I..." Jason's wiped at his face roughly as his voice broke completely for a few seconds. "I haven't been touched in so long. No one has held me or really talked to me or...or cared about me since I left and then you come here and do all of this stuff for me because you think I'm the same person I used to be and it makes me feel like I could still be that person, that I still am that person and I can't...I'm not strong enough to stop you."

Jason bit his lip, the physical pain distracting him enough to let him finish. "I...Please, just...If you're going to go just do it now, please. I can't take this anymore. If you keep it up I don't think I'm going to survive going on without you again. Just go, please."

Tommy remained silent for a moment. Then he reached out and gently caressed Jason's bare shoulder, frowning slightly as the tense muscles trembled at his touch. He moved forward, wrapping his whole body around Jason. For a moment he thought Jason would resist but he did not. Just sat stiffly, enfolding in Tommy's embrace.

"I am not leaving you." Tommy whispered fiercely in Jason's ear. "Get that through your head right now. I will not leave you! I don't know what's going on inside you're head or why you think so poorly of yourself right now but you are worth the effort and you always have been. Yes, you have changed, in some ways you've fallen to pieces but I don't care."

"You are still my Jason. You are still the man that taught me almost everything I know about relationships with other people. You are still the man that would not let me self destruct and push everyone away when I was hurting because of what someone else did to me. You are still the man I couldn't help but fall in love with." Tommy felt his own eyes water as Jason's body began shaking in his arms. "You're just scared and hurt right now. But the part of you that has always spoken the most deeply to me is still there, no one can destroy that but you and you're such a wonderful person I don't even think you'd know how to."

"And I love you. I fucking love you." Tommy tightened his hold on Jason as if afraid he would run away or just disappear into thin air. "I've loved you from the start and that isn't easy for me to do. But you...you were this amazing, warm, wonderful person who walked right through my defences and into my heart and now you think I'm going to walk away from you, from all that, just because you've been hurt badly? It doesn't work that way, not for me. I love you. That means you're stuck with me. I won't let you go, not when I know you don't really want me too."

Jason's body shuddered and Tommy heard the soft, half chocked sob that managed to escape his lips. He was trying so hard not to cry. He wanted to keep it all inside. Tommy did not need him to break down and cry like a baby. He needed...He wanted...

"Let it out, Jase. I'm here, it's safe, I promise. You can cry. Just let it out. Please." Tommy's voice was gentle as it whispered to him. Had the first sob not escaped him Jason would have shivered in delight at the feeling of Tommy's breath lightly against his ear.

Jason's broad back heaved with his sobs. He didn't make a lot of noise, just very soft cries and occasional snatches of nearly incoherent words, but his body shook almost violently with the quiet sobs for a long time. Tommy continued to hold him, wrapping himself more tightly around his lover and murmuring soothing nonsense to him when he started to calm.

When the storm of Jason's tears passed his body sagged. He was exhausted. He did not protest when Tommy drew them both back so he was once again leaning against Tommy's chest while his lover leaned against the back of the tub. One arm rested across his chest and the other rubbed his stomach in slow soothing circles. Jason sighed softly and closed his eyes, letting his head loll to the side in the dip between Tommy's neck and shoulder.

"Did you really mean what you said?" Jason's voice was quiet and hopefully, almost like a child's. It somehow matched his face, still smudged with chocolate and now tearstained. He looked innocent and vulnerable Tommy wanted to hide him away and make sure no one ever hurt him again.

"Yeah, I really meant it, Jase." Tommy murmured. "You mean everything to me."

"My fridge is so empty because I never go grocery shopping. I do get fast food to bring home every now and again and I get something at work most of the time when lunch is delivered but I..." Jason swallowed. He owed Tommy the truth no matter how hard it was for him to answer. "But most of the time I don't feel like eating much and when I do eat I tend to feel nauseous."

"When was the last time you ate before tonight?" Tommy asked gently.

"I had a sandwich at lunch."

"And yesterday?"

"I had some soup at lunch and half a sandwich." Jason flushed slightly. It sounded worse when he said it out loud.

"That's not very healthy Jase." Tommy commented. "You've lost a lot of weight."

"I know." Jason sighed. "I know I should be eating more I just...I don't know. I don't think about it and I'm never hungry anymore."

"We'll work on it together okay?" Tommy assured him, mentally reminding himself to bring it up when Jason skipped a meal while he was there.

"Okay." Jason shifted slightly, his eyes still closed. He couldn't recall the last time he had felt this exposed and vulnerable and, at the same time, so safe. He knew there were more questions coming and that most of them he wouldn't like to answer but above all he felt safe, cared for and a great deal of relief to no longer be dealing with everything all on his own.

"How often do you have nightmares?" Tommy asked, remembering what he had seen last night.

"Every night, sometimes more than once unless I..." Jason paused and opened his eyes to look up at Tommy. "How do you know I've been having nightmares?"

"Last night you started to move around and mumble in your sleep. It didn't look like you were having very good dreams to me." Tommy told him. "You calmed down when I touched you."

"Last night was the best sleep I've had in ages." Jason confessed. "Thank you."

"What do you normally do to get rid of the nightmares?" Tommy questioned, becoming concerned when Jason didn't answer for a few seconds. "Jase?"

"I exhaust myself." Jason mumbled. "I run or do something so that I get so tired I don't dream."

Tommy was silent for a long moment. He wanted to yell at Jason for that. He really wanted to know what the hell Jason thought he was doing playing with his health like this. First the eating habits and now this...but Tommy would not let himself get angry. If he yelled like he wanted to Jason would just withdraw into himself again and that wouldn't help anything.

Taking a few deep breaths Tommy managed to calm himself down. His voice was slightly strangled, between his anger and sadness. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Jason? Why?"

"I...I don't know." Jason closed his eyes tightly not wanting to see the disappointment he could hear in Tommy's voice on his face. "I just can't deal with those dreams. I can't. I can't do it."

"What do you see in them that's so bad?" Tommy questioned.

"I see..." Jason's voice was shaky. "I see what I would have done if I hadn't gotten that transfer. I...You're there...You're there and you're trying to help me but I don't see you until it's too late and the car is already falling into the gorge and I can't take that dream, I really can't because I know I would have done that and I didn't want to but I didn't see any other way out and I don't know how to deal with that or how to stop it and I...God, I...It hurts so much to see that again and again and I can't stop it. I can't stop it. Stop it!"

"Shh. Jase, calm down. It's okay, it's okay." Tommy had not expected that reaction out of his lover, the breathless rambling had scared him and so had the physical reactions that went along with it. Jason's skin was flushed and he was breathing so heavily his chest heaved, Tommy was worried he might throw up or hyperventilate.

Tommy watched as a tear managed to escape those tightly clenched eyes and reached up to wipe it away even though it was worth nothing more than the gesture since his hand was already wet. He paled slightly as he realized Jason could be reliving that dream behind his tightly closed eye lids.

"Open your eyes, Jase. Everything is okay. You're safe. Open your eyes." Tommy was nearly pleading.

The dark eyes opened and, though slightly glazed and disoriented, gazed into Tommy's with clarity. Jason reached up and tangled one hand in Tommy's hair as he kissed him firmly, needing to reassure himself and his lover that he was there in that moment instead of one that could have easily been had only a small thing been different. Tommy tightened his arms around Jason's waist after his lover had shifted slightly for better access. He would not let go of him for a long while afterwards.

They clung to each other for a long time after the intense kiss had ended. Jason's hand remained tangled in Tommy's hair as he pressed his face into the side of Tommy's neck and encircled his back with his other arm. Tommy held Jason's tightly, both his arms around his waist, with his cheek resting on the top of Jason's head.

It was when Jason started to shiver because the bath water had cooled that they finally released each other. They were still touching, they couldn't have stood being without contact at the moment, but they were not completely wrapped in the other arms.

"There's still more we need to talk about." Tommy told Jason gently as they bath tub emptied and they both stood next to each other, leaning so close they touched, clad only in towels.

"I know." Jason was tired. All these emotions were wearing him out, especially since he had pushed them away for so long.

"Should we fill up the bath rub again or get in bed?" Tommy asked.

"I don't..." Jason paused. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to get into bed and curl up in Tommy's arms but what if that wasn't what Tommy wanted? What if...?

"Jase?"

"Do you mind if we go to bed to talk? We don't have to but I would rather..." Jason trailed off uncertainly.

Tommy kissed him lightly, trying to settle whatever fear had just been brought forth in his lover. "Of course we can. I know this is hard for you. Wherever you're more comfortable is fine by me."

They cleaned up quickly, holding hands as they did. The candles were blown out, the bathtub emptied, faces were quickly washed and the empty ice cream container was chucked into the trash can. Tommy was loath to throw it all away and end the night's endeavour into the art of romance but not as much as he had expected to be. They had made some headway. Jason had not shut down on him. He was actually starting to open up.

They still had a long way to go yet, and Tommy was not sure he could handle it all alone. Some of Jason's newly formed traits, like his negative outlook on himself, might be best left for a professional to deal with. Trying to get Jason some therapy would be an idea to breach at another time though. Right now there were still things they needed to talk about concerning the past several months.

* * *

Nearly three hours later they lay in bed together, both utterly exhausted emotionally. Jason was curled up in foetal position, his head resting under Tommy's chin and the rest of his body pressed tightly against him. He was shivering slightly, the deep chill that had resided in the pit of his stomach as he told his lover everything would not yet abate. Tommy holding him close and the warm nest of blankets tucked around them was thawing it gradually.

Tommy was absently stroking Jason's back, his arm was getting tired from the constant motion but it seemed to sooth Jason well so he kept it up. His mind was in a whirl. Jason had answered all of the questions he had had, albeit somewhat brokenly for some of them, and the answers had left him reeling for the most part. Tommy had realized that, really, Jason had been trying to protect them all even though it was killing him to be without the people he most loved.

"You really thought you were doing what was best for me, all of us, didn't you?" Tommy murmured not really expecting an answer. Mentally he wondered how much it must have cost Jason to make that decision, knowing that he would be leaving his whole support system behind for a scary, new world that did not promise to be any more accepting than the one he had left.

Jason shifted uncomfortably. Why did Tommy have so much trouble accepting that? He didn't understand it. Of course he had left without saying anything because he it was for the best, not necessarily the best for him but for everyone else yes. He wouldn't have put himself through the last seven months if he didn't think that!

"It was for the best." Jason muttered sleepily. "It just didn't end up working out like I thought it would."

Tommy sighed softly. "Promise me you won't do something like that again. Jase, I don't want to be without you. Nothing is the best for me if it means I don't have you. And doing what was 'best' for us did this to you...It's not worth it. Please, next time you're thinking of doing something like this in anyway talk to me first. We're in this together, now and forever."

Jason knew there was no point arguing with Tommy. He had that steel tone in his voice that had been dubbed the "leader voice" back when Jason was still in charge. He just nodded slowly.

"I'm going to hold you to it, I mean it." Tommy warned, hoping Jason was not doing this just to pacify him.

"I know...I'm glad." Jason admitted softly.

"Good." Tommy breathed a sigh of relief.

Jason snuggled closer to Tommy, nearly plastering himself against him. His muscles were beginning to relax, not because he was any more settled, but because he was getting so drowsy he could barely keep his eyes open. The hurricane of emotions that had been running through him nearly all day, and the start of purging some of those emotions, had wiped him out completely.

He felt a kiss being pressed against his forehead as he fought, and lost, the battle to keep his eyes open. "I love you, Jason."

A tiny smile flirted across Jason's face at those words. How he enjoyed hearing them whispered to him again! "I love you too."

With that Jason settled into sleep, satisfied with life for another night. Tommy stayed up for as long as he could manage, soothing Jason until he feel into too deep a sleep to dream, and just watching him, studying him. It had not been long ago that he had thought he had lost Jason forever, now that he had him back he would relish every moment they shared together. And he had a feeling Jason would too.

* * *

Tommy was the first wake up the next morning. It was late morning and Jason was still dead to the world. Tommy couldn't recall the last time he had seen the other man sleep this deeply. Even when they were still in Angel Grove, before all this trouble had started, he had not been this heavy a sleeper.

'Guess all this shit will do that to you.' Tommy thought, stroking Jason's back affectionately.

For a moment Tommy entertained the idea of getting up, showering and maybe even making something for their breakfast but dismissed it quickly. He knew he would freak out completely if he had woken up this morning and Jason was no longer beside him. He did not want to find out how Jason would react.

So he carefully reached over and rummaged through his bag, which was beside the bed, and pulled out a book. Actually, it wasn't so much as book as a binder with a bunch of information Trini had printed out about the area Jason now called home. She had figured he would not have done much exploring of the area and had sent it along with him. Tommy had not thought it would be much use but Jason really had not seemed to register what was around his apartment.

Tommy wondered, briefly, just how much of the past seven months Jason had really registered, or if it was all just a blur of loneliness and pain and trudging onwards despite the fact all he wanted to do was lay down and give up. At least that was what the passage of time, seemingly as slow as a comatose snail, had been to him at points.

Jason stirred, mumbling indistinct words when Tommy moved away slightly. He settled quickly when Tommy's fingers ghosted down his back. Tommy marvelled at that change. Jason had always been an affectionate person but he had never been an overly huggy feely type. Now he seemed to crave any type of contact he could get.

'It was different for me though.' Tommy mused as his hand continued to absently stroke Jason's broad back. 'I had all out friends still supporting me and loving me. They were there whenever I needed a reassuring touch, and I did need it at times. The girls hugged me way more than usual, I guess they thought I needed that and maybe I did. Who gave that to Jason? No one.'

It saddened Tommy to think that but he knew it was the truth. After what Jason had told him last night he no longer had doubts about that. Jason usually made friends very easily, he had this open, warm quality about him that never failed to draw people to him. But here he had avoided that. Had avoided everything.

'Those damn letters I got were probably the closest thing he had to having a real conversation with someone.' Tommy realized sadly, absently hugging Jason closer. 'That would have been extremely hard for me and I'm much more of a loner than he is. Jason just thrived off being around people.'

"It'll be easier for you from now on, Jase." Tommy murmured softly, leaning close to let his lips stray to Jason's cheek. "I promise it will."

"Mmm..." Jason murmured, still more than half asleep. His eyes fluttered open briefly, slightly glazed with sleep still but warm as he looked at his lover. He smiled slightly and then snuggled deeper into Tommy's arms, falling fast asleep again quickly.

For a few moments Tommy didn't dare to breath. He wanted Jason to sleep for as long as possible. He had plans for today too and did not want Jason to be exhausted for them. It was time for Jason to finally get acquainted with the area he lived in.

I am all that I'll ever be  
When you - lay your hands over me  
And don't go weak on me please  
I know that it's weak but God help me I need this

"I can't believe you sometimes." Jason laughed as he opened up his apartment door. "You're such a goof."

"You love me, you know it." Tommy chuckled, kissing Jason before they could even get through the door.

"Mmm..."

They stumbled into the apartment together, lips and bodies pressed tightly together. Somehow the door was closed and they started to strip each other. Fumbling with stubborn buttons and zippers, they made their way to the bedroom.

"You know," Jason gasped as Tommy nibbled at his earlobe. "I thought you were going to jump me when I showed you that beach after dinner."

"I nearly did." Tommy admitted. "You've been getting to me all day."

"Mmm. The feeling is mutual, believe me." Jason moaned as Tommy's hand slipped over his hip bone to rub his growing erection through his boxers.

The atmosphere between them had been sexually charged most of the day. Since Jason had come out of the shower and joined Tommy for breakfast they had both felt it. It had carried throughout the whole time they had spent exploring the city together, laughing and joking and trading carefully concealed touches as they went. Jason hadn't had such a good time in what seemed like forever and Tommy was happy just to watch his lover enjoying himself.

That wasn't to say there hadn't been some bumps. More than once Jason had reacted badly to something; withdrawing into himself again. Tommy had patiently led him back to wherever the car was parked and coaxed him back out of his shell in the little space of privacy offered by the front seat. Careful words and gentle kisses soon had at least a small smile on the shadowed face.

Seeing that little smile again always sent sparks into his heart and into lower regions. He knew Jason was feeling at least somewhat of the same thing by the way he leaned into the hidden caresses with barely veiled eagerness.

It had reached a melting point when they were out to dinner together and a boiling part when Jason had showed Tommy the only part of the city he knew. The beach where he had considered himself unworthy of a happy ending far too many times to count. They had not stayed long because if they had they both knew they would not be able to keep their hands off each other for much longer.

So it did not surprise Tommy that they were falling into bed together, already naked, just barely after they had gotten in the door. He just hoped they'd locked the door in their rush to feel their skin rubbing together.

It didn't take long for them to both reach their limits; though it took longer than the first night Tommy had been there. They came within seconds of each other. First Jason, gasping Tommy's name in a breathless whisper, then Tommy as he felt Jason's warm come shoot deep inside him as his cock brushed against his prostate.

They snuggled together in the aftermath of their climaxes, completely sated for now. The fact that Tommy had to leave in the morning loomed over them but, for now, they were content to be together for the few hours they had left.

* * *

Goodbyes were horrible. Even though they both knew that they would see each other again soon and that they would speak before then it was so hard to let go of each other in the morning. They showered together, ate breakfast practically in each other's laps, and repacked Tommy's clothing holding hands. It was too painful to let go a moment before they had to.Standing at the curb with Tommy already in the car, Jason decided the only way this could have hurt more was if Tommy was leaving him forever as he first thought he would. The only solace he had was the knowledge that Tommy would be back next week hopefully and if not then the week after that.

"I'll miss you." Jason mumbled, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks.

"Me too." Tommy sighed. He didn't want to leave! "I'm going to call you from wherever I stop the first time. Then when I get home. Then sometime tonight when you're at home, okay?"

"Thanks." Jason said softly.

Tommy smiled wanly. "I'm doing it as much for me as for you Jase. You know I don't want to do but..."

"You have to. You have to go back to Angel Grove and back to work. I know. I don't want you to throw away your life there just because I had to give up mine." Jason sighed.

"You are my life, Jason. Nothing matter as much as you do. Don't forget that okay?" Tommy murmured. Jason still looked sceptical but he nodded.

"I love you." Jason whispered, managing to keep his tears at bay as he leaned in closer to Tommy.

"I love you too, Jase. You know I do." Tommy replied, tilting his head up so he could capture Jason's lips once more.

They kissed slowly but desperately and were both a bit misty when they had to part. Tommy reached up to grasp Jason hand.

"I'll be back." Tommy told him and then turned on the car before he lost his nerve.

"I'm counting on it." Jason said seriously but managed a lopsided grin to try and lighten the statement.

Tommy cast one last lingering gaze it his lover before driving away. He hated to do it, he really did, but he did not have another choice at this point. He had to go back, Rocky needed him at the dojo tomorrow! It was so unfair though!

A single tear trickled down his cheek as he glanced in his rear-view mirror and saw Jason standing on the curb, watching him go.

He would stand there long after Tommy was no long visible.


	5. Feels Like Home

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song, Feels Like Home, belongs to Chantal Kreviazuk. 

Author's Note: Thanks go, as always, to Mandi, my amazing beta who I would be lost without. And, this time, to everyone, Rene, Kris, Traci, who prodded me when this got shoved to the back burner. It's almost done! Just one more chapter to go and Hey Baby will be over! I'm unsure whether to throw a parade or bawl.

Feels Like Home

"Come on, Jase. It'll be good for you. Even Dr. Gamin thinks it's a good idea." Tommy would not pressure Jason into doing this. He would not pressure him at all. But he wasn't above a little persuading.

"I know," Jason sighed, pulling the President's Choice lasagne out of the oven. "I just... Are you sure they even want to see me?"

"Yes! Do you know how many times I've had to thwart attempts to get your address? They want to see you. All of them. They miss you," Tommy sighed softly. "Just think about it, okay? And if you decide to go I promise you'll have a good time."

"I guess so..." Jason still looked uneasy about seeing his friends again. What the hell do you say to the people you walked away from nearly a year ago? "But if I end up deciding not to go you'll understand, right?"

"Of course." Tommy wrapped his arms around Jason's waist from behind. He kissed the back of his neck as he felt Jason relax slightly. "I know this is hard for you. We go at your speed."

Jason leaned into Tommy's embrace, relishing the flood of warmth that flowed through him as the strong arms tightened around him and those wonderful lips caressed him gently. "I wonder what would have happened if I had gone at my speed before?"

A slight tremor ran through both of them at that thought. It had been four months since Tommy had found Jason and over time things had changed in the little apartment.

On his second visit Tommy had brought two full boxes of the things Jason had left behind. Since then a steady migration of Jason's possessions had made their way to his new home. The apartment looked lived in now and all the pictures and knickknacks reminded Jason, even when he was alone, that he was still very much loved.

But the changes in the little apartment were nothing compared to the changes in Jason himself. Tommy knew now that he would never get the old Jason back, the scars he bore were simply too much, but the person who had emerged from the broken man four months ago was just as lovable as he had ever been.

Jason wasn't quite as confidant as he had been before but the warmth and openness that had first attracted Tommy to him was still just below the surface. He was physically stronger than before as his main stress reliever was hitting the gym. At first Tommy wasn't too thrilled about that, the things Jason had told him about his sleeping habits still fresh in his mind, but after assurances from both Jason, and Jason's psychologist, he relaxed a bit.

Jason always attributed the changes to Tommy but he knew a great deal had to with the psychologist he had started seeing, Dr. Kris Gamin. It had not taken long for Tommy to convince his lover he needed professional help, Jason had known things had spiralled out of his control a long time ago but hadn't cared enough to seek help. Now he had Tommy back, now he had a reason to keep going.

The respected psychologist had come at Karen Mills' recommendation. Jason had felt he needed to tell her why he would no longer be able to stay until all hours of the night working anymore; especially on days he had sessions, during their hunt for a psychologist. She had rummaged around in her desk for a few moments and given him the card for the psychologist one of her friends, who had been clinically diagnosed with chemical imbalance that caused severe depression, and told him he could take time off if he needed it.

Jason had been grateful for the support if completely opposed to the idea of taking any large amount of time off. He liked he the job too much and when Tommy wasn't visiting... well, he would rather be there instead of his apartment anyway.

And Dr. Kris Gamin turned out to be a very wise choice. She was the right person for Jason, young, earnest and occasionally quite frank when Jason seemed to refuse to open his eyes to what was real and what was clouded by his grey lined thoughts.

Jason turned around in Tommy's arms and tilted his head up slightly, Tommy had about an inch on him. As their lips meet Tommy thought of the one change that he actually rather enjoyed.

Jason had become much more affectionate than before. Of course, he had always been an affectionate type of person, allowing his normally reassuring touch to say what he couldn't express in words, but he was not the huggy feely type the same way he was now, at least where Tommy was concerned. He snuggled a little further into every embrace and reached out for Tommy more often.

Tommy could relate to that. He vividly remembered the time, after he finally managed to get it through his head that he was not going to be abandoned, that he had wanted constant reassurance, usually in the form of hugs, from his adopted parents. It had been nearly too much for him to believe that they were really there, that the really wanted him and it made him yearn for, almost need, all the hugs and shoulder pats and kisses and touches that he had been without for too long.

'Abandonment issues' Tommy thought hazily as Jason's tongue slid into his mouth. 'That's what my case evaluations always used to say, that's what Dr. Gamin said about Jason. We're both scared of being left alone...'

Tommy tightened his hold on his lover at that thought. It would not happen. He wouldn't let it. Nothing and no one was taking Jason away from him ever again unless Jason truly wanted it that way. They needed each other far too much.

Jason moaned into his mouth and leaned back, allowing Tommy to press against the counter slightly as he tangled his fingers in the long hair...

CRASH

The sound made them leap apart. Well, Jason did most of the jumping, Tommy was less startled. As soon as his elbow had hit the plate on the edge of the counter as he moved to slide his hand under Jason's shirt he had known it would fall but was hoping they could ignore it.

It had spooked Jason, though, and Tommy knew he wouldn't calm down for a few minutes more. Plus they now had pieces of broken ceramic on the floor at that wasn't the best thing to make out near.

"Crap," Tommy muttered. "Sorry about that."

"S'okay. Just don't make throwing my dishes around a habit," Jason said, covering his momentary panic with a nervous laugh.

Tommy quirked a small grin for Jason's benefit before getting the broom out of the hall closet. Jason had come a long way since that night Tommy had found him, but that didn't mean there wasn't a long way to go yet.

* * *

Jason hated having to work when Tommy was in town but he hadn't been able to get out of it this time. The investors in the project he was head of pushed the opening date up two weeks and he had to scramble to make sure everything would be perfect on time. He could do it without much trouble. It just meant taking one day off instead of two and staying an extra hour each night.

They way things were going it looked like he might get out a bit early. There were just a few more details left for the day. He wouldn't be able to do much more until Monday.

It wasn't unusual for his office to become grand central station when a project was nearing completion, particularly if it was a large project, so Jason did not ever bother looking up when he heard quite a few people enter the room. He needed to get the latest design details finished before he left. Whoever was there to see him could wait a few moments.

"I'll be with you in a minute," Jason commented distractedly. He was too absorbed to really care who it was. Karen always laughed when it turned out to be her waiting and no one else in a position above him ever bothered with him. He didn't have to worry about offending anyone.

A low chuckle was the reply to his offhand comment and before Jason could look up a pair of rough hands grabbed him out of his seat. Jason reacted immediately, twisting and throwing the would be attacker off him.More hands replaced the ones he had evaded, more than he could avoid, and soon he was shoved against the office wall.

All the air in his lungs seemed to rush out and for a moment his air way seemed locked. Jason realized he had had the wind knocked out of him, that he had to calm down or it would make things worse, but his mind reeled with panic as a hand covered his mouth as he struggled to breathe freely again.

"We don't want you here, you fucking faggot. We tried to get the bosses to get rid of you and some of us got demoted for it so we're going to take you out our way. But first... First I'm going to give you what I know you want. My bitch girlfriend won't put out and thinking about that lesbo cunt has got me horny."

Jason's eyes widened as full fledged panic hit him. He had to get away. Now. His body leapt into action even as his mind reeled with what could easily happen if he failed to get out.

Later he would not be able to completely recall what had happened. Fuzzy details were all he would ever remember. The next clear thing he knew was pressing his back against his office wall while Brad forcefully shoved seven guys out of the room and Bob tried to talk him out of his shock.

Jason would later be told that he had bitten the hand holding his mouth shut and had nearly managed to take down all his assailants when Bob and Brad heard his yelling and broke the door down. They had finished up what Jason had started. Jason had, when he saw he was no longer in danger, retreated as far away from everyone as he could in the small space. The adrenaline and fear were too much for him and he absently realized he was shaking like a leaf in a tempest.

"Jason? Boss, can you hear me?" Bob asked, trying to keep his voice from betraying his own panic and being sure not to touch the shaken man in front of him.

Jason nodded numbly and managed to lift glossy eyes to look at Bob for just a moment as if reassuring himself he would not be attacked again. He felt oddly detached from what was happening and what had very nearly happened to him. He knew his body was shaking, knew his knees felt about ready to give out on him, but his mind could not seem to process it.

"Shit," Bob muttered, reading the symptoms of shock far too clearly on his boss and friend.

Jason slid down the wall, breathing shakily. He curled into himself and put his head on his knees, trying to convince himself he was actually okay.

He vaguely became aware of Bob crouching next to him, speaking to him in a low voice and being very careful not to touch him. He was glad. He wasn't sure how he would react to being touched.

Then Tommy was there. Jason wasn't sure how he was there or when he had gotten there just that he was there and that he would help make everything okay. Tommy did not move to touch him either but sat next to him and spoke softly to him as he waited for Jason to come to him. He was not sure how Jason would react, even to him and he knew doing something wrong could have desperate consequences.

Jason hesitated for a moment, and then crawled into Tommy's arms. He sagged against him, not having the drive to do anything more. He felt so sluggish and distant from what was going on around him. He vaguely heard someone say something about the police being on their way and then, as a blanket was tucked around him, something about shock. Everything was too blurred and fuzzy to make much sense of though.

Then, slowly, he became aware that Tommy had started speaking to him. Or maybe he had been speaking to him the whole time and it had just been part of the garbled mess before. He wasn't sure. All he knew was that it was there now, gentle and reassuring. It was enough of an anchor to pull himself out of the murkiness that had been clogging his mind.

Jason shuddered once as awareness seeped back into his muddy mind. He felt Tommy's arms tighten around him and realized his body was still trembling.

"Tom?" Jason was surprised by the sound of his own voice. It sounded so small.

"Yeah, I'm here, Jase," Tommy murmured.

"I don't feel so good," Jason told him.

"There's an ambulance on the way," Tommy said. "The police are coming too."

"Oh." Jason looked up at Tommy briefly. "I don't feel that bad."

Tommy smiled wanly. "I know but your boss seems to think you need to be checked out."

'And you went into severe shock on me there. I don't care if you look like you've snapped out of it now somebody is going to make sure you're really okay!' Tommy thought to himself. Jason did not need to know that though, it wouldn't do any good.

"Oh. Okay," Jason mumbled, burying himself further in Tommy's embrace. "You'll stay with me, right?"

"Of course," Tommy answered automatically. He was not actually sure he'd be allowed to stay with Jason but at this point he was uncertain anyone would be able to separate them. Jason had a grip on him that almost hurt.

A commotion outside the door signalled the arrival of two paramedics. They checked Jason over as thoroughly as they could. The fact he flat out refused to leave the safety of Tommy's arms made it harder but since he was conscious and coherent, if a bit dazed, and the only physical injuries he had were a few bruises and a split lip, they could not do much anyway. One of them suggested Jason might want to see some kind of counsellor to deal with the emotional ramifications of being attacked before they left.

It would be another four hours before Tommy could get Jason home. After the interview with the police, which went fairly well all things considered, they were both more than ready to escape to the safety of Jason's apartment but before they could do that Tommy was taking Jason to see Dr. Gamin.

When he had called her and told her of the situation she had cancelled her two afternoon appointments so that she could see Jason. It was a long session, Tommy wasn't sure if he or Jason found it more tiring. But by the end Jason didn't seem as dazed as before and was processing what had happened to him.

That night was hard. All of Jason's old demons, the ones he had fought so hard over the past four months and was still fighting, attacked with a vengeance. He just didn't seem to know which way he was going. He was clingy but trying to push Tommy away at the same time, he would start to say something and then shut his mouth abruptly and draw into himself again, he wanted Tommy to be close, to be touching him and then he jerked away from physical contact...

Tommy wanted to shake him. He wanted to yell at him and tell him repeatedly that if he did this, let those... those things have this sort of power over him then they won. But he couldn't. He knew if he did that it would send Jason skittering away from him and the last thing he wanted was for Jason to withdraw more. At least part of the time he was semi open but if Tommy did anything unexpected... he didn't want to find out what kind of a reaction that would cause.

But most of all he wanted five minutes alone with the people who had done this to his lover. He wanted to make them feel the hurricane his lover was struggling through, had been struggling through for too long, and then some. He wanted revenge. Badly.

It was, surprisingly, Jason who pulled Tommy out of his foul thoughts.

"We're still going to Bill's, right?" Jason asked quietly, when they were attempting to eat dinner but really just picking at their food.

Tommy looked up surprised. "Yeah, if you want to go."

"I do." Jason's voice became more firm. "I want to go. I'm not going to let them... what happened... I'm not going to let it stop me. I want to see my friends again. I think... I think I need to right now."

"Do you want me to tell them what happened today before you get there?" Tommy asked.

Jason hesitated slightly but then nodded. "Yeah. I don't want them asking about it. I'm not sure how well I'll handle that."

"Don't start pretending it didn't happen," Tommy said with a slight frown. "You know what Dr. Gamin said, you can't just pretend this didn't happen. You have to deal with it just like everything else."

"I know," Jason sighed. "I just... I don't want to talk about it with them. I'm just contacting them now; I don't want to have to deal with this at the same time. It's too much."

"Okay," Tommy told him, not wanting to push their luck too far. "That's understandable."

Jason nodded somewhat glumly and then reached out hesitantly and took his hand. Tommy had been wary about touching him and had tried to let Jason initiate it. He wanted Jason to feel that he was in control. "I'm trying. I'm sorry I can't... I can't do better but I'm trying not to... not to do this again."

Tommy felt his frustration soften at that. He cupped Jason's cheek gently, giving him the chance to pull away and relieved when he didn't do so. "I know. I'm so proud of you, Jase. I can't say I know how hard this is for you but I've seen the results. I'm not sure I could have survived as well as you have. You're strong. You'll get through this, I know it."

Jason smiled weakly before releasing a tired but lightened sigh. "I'm so tired..."

"It's been a long day." Tommy's thumb stroked Jason's cheek once absently before he moved as if he was getting up to clear the dishes.

Jason squeezed his hand tightly, making Tommy stop. His face was flushed slightly and his tone verged just on the edge of panic. "I need you with me tonight. I need you close. Please, I..."

"Shh. It's okay. I know. I'll be right next to you," Tommy assured him. He felt a sliver of guilt. Jason had picked up on his reluctance to touch him and misinterpreted it.

"Sorry..." Jason mumbled.

"It isn't your fault, Jase. It's never been your fault and you know it," Tommy told him fiercely.

Tommy leaned forward and kissed Jason very softly. He was as gentle and loving as he knew how to be, letting Jason take control. He hoped Jason could feel just how proud he was of him and how much he loved him through the contact.

They headed to the bedroom after that, leaving the dishes on the table. Neither worried much about that.

Jason was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, he stayed awake just long enough to snuggle as far as he could into Tommy's arms.

Tommy remained awake for nearly the whole night. Jason's rest was frequently interrupted with nightmares Tommy couldn't soothe him out of. He was powerless to stop them. Touching Jason just made the dreams worse, re-enforcing the sinister aspects of the nightmares.

Waking him wasn't much fun either. It took a few moments for Jason's bewildered mind to clear and he wouldn't know where he was. The fear and despair that played over his vulnerable, still sleepy features broke Tommy's heart.

Eventually Jason would calm enough to realize what was going on. He would crawl into Tommy's arms, still trembling slightly, in desperate need of reassurance.

It happened six times that first night. Finally utter exhaustion caught up to Jason and he fell into something between sleep and unconsciousness where he did not dream.

Both of them were still understandably shaky the next day. Jason didn't go into work that day or the next; Karen had told him if she saw him there she would send him home. Over a dozen of his co-workers called to check up on him, most expressing anger at what had happened. That was heartening. It let Tommy know that when he had to leave again there would be people there looking out for Jason and let Jason know he was not going to suffer through a repeat of what had happened in Angel Grove.

Other than two trips to Dr. Gamin's office they didn't leave the apartment. They curled up together and just vegged for the two days. Jason was doing well, better than Tommy had expected him too even, but he was still hurting and vulnerable.

It was beyond hard for Tommy to leave him to go back to Angel Grove.

He knew he couldn't put it off any longer, that he had to get back to work, that Rocky and David couldn't keep covering his classes for him, but that didn't make leaving Jason when they needed each other any easier.

The nights had passed slightly easier than the first but they had still been hard. Tommy did not want Jason to have to deal with waking up after those nightmares alone. They had managed to get past his old ones but these... they were something else all together and Jason knew it. He looked heartsick as they stood together beside the car. Tommy wanted, more than anything, to be able to go back inside the apartment and hold him until all the pain was erased.

Only if he did take any more time off he wouldn't be able to go with him to Billy's cottage and he knew that doing that was a big step for Jason. He couldn't hinder it by not being there. He just held him as tightly as possible before getting in the car, wishing he didn't have to let go.

"It's only a little more than a week," Jason mumbled. Tommy was unsure which of them he was trying to reassure.

"You had better call me," Tommy told him. "Any problems, nightmares, anything, call me. I mean it."

"I will." Jason buried his head in Tommy's shoulder for a moment and let a sigh escape. "I promise. I'll be okay."

"I don't want to go," Tommy whispered, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened.

"I'll be okay," Jason repeated, sounding surer of himself. He pulled away enough to look at Tommy. "I love you."

Tommy could not help the tiny smile as he heard those words. No matter what happened Jason was his and he was Jason's, anything else was no longer an option for either of them. He tilted his head slightly and drew Jason's lips against his own, whispering against them, "I love you too."

* * *

It was late when Tommy's phone began to ring. It took it a few minutes for the incessant sound to break though and rouse him from his sleep. He rolled over, groaning, and fumbled for the offending machinery, deciding to pick it up and almost growl a hello instead of letting it fall back on the hook by only the slightest margin.

"Hello?" Tommy's tone wasn't the most pleasant, but it was, he glanced at his alarm clock, three in the morning.

"Tommy?" A strained, weary voice answered.

Tommy came awake at once and abruptly sat up in bed. "Jason? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Yes... No... I... No... Tommy..." Jason fumbled for the words, any words, and Tommy could hear his voice hitch in distress.

"Shh. It's okay. Calm down," Tommy soothed. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry. I know you're probably tired, you were probably sleeping. I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry. I'll..." Jason said in a rush of only half coherent words.

"Jason, stop. You're rambling. You have to calm down," Tommy instructed, his tone firm but comforting. "Breathe. It's okay."

Tommy heard Jason inhale shakily. He waited patiently even though he was desperate to know what had happened. When the breathing he could hear over the phone was steady, the raggedness lost, he spoke again, his voice gentle, "Better?"

"Yeah." Jason's voice was quiet. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I told you to call. I would have been mad if you hadn't," Tommy assured him. "You had a nightmare?"

"Yes," Jason replied even more softly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Tommy offered.

"No!" Jason's voice was chocked for a moment but before Tommy could open his mouth to comfort his lover Jason had regained control. "No. I can't... Not right now. I just... I had to hear you. I need you with me, even if it's just like this."

Tommy sighed. "I would do just about anything to be able to hold you right now."

For a moment there was silence and then, "I'm not sure I would let you if you were here."

Tommy winced in sympathy. "That bad?"

"Yeah."

"Why? What happened today? I thought the nightmares were getting better," Tommy asked.

"They were. I..." Jason sighed. "After you called tonight I got a call from the police. They've got a couple confessions, and a motive. Apparently I got the job the ringleader wanted. He's been out to discredit me since I transferred here. The others are friends of his and to top it all off they're homophobes. All of them are as far as the police can tell."

"Do you know what they are being charged with?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah. There's quite a list. The police have been great so far. They're charging them with anything they can think of. So far it's assault, sexual assault, attempted murder, hate crimes, possession of stolen goods because two of them had knifes that were taken from a store a few days ago and they've all been dismissed without compensation," Jason replied. "Karen has been irate and the release of the finalized plans has been delayed so the head boss is after blood."

"Not yours I hope," Tommy muttered.

"No. Karen is nearly invaluable to him and she's stuck her neck out for me." Tommy smiled, he liked that woman.

"What about the police?" Tommy questioned. "How have they been? You didn't tell me earlier, you changed the topic. I was worried."

"They were fine. All of the ones I saw were fine." Jason paused for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It was just too close, you know?"

"Yeah," Tommy hesitated for a moment. "You are going to talk to Dr. Gamin about it, right?"

Jason snorted. "Like I could get out of it even if I wanted to."

Tommy snickered more for Jason's sake than anything else. Then something occurred to Tommy. "How did they know, Jase? I thought no one knew about us."

"According to the police it's just dumb luck they found out I was gay. There were rumours. I never confirmed them but I never denied them either. I… I didn't want to hide again. I couldn't. Some people figured it out and a few had seen you picking me up a couple times. Those things got around. Then one of them saw us leaving a restaurant about a month ago holding hands and put it all together," Jason sighed. "Actually, that reminds me or something I meant to ask you. That day, how did you get there so quickly? I know Bob and Brad didn't know about us until you got there."

"Jase, it took me nearly half an hour to get there after Karen called me," Tommy told him. Sometimes he worried about how fuzzy Jason's details of what had happened after he had been out of danger were but Dr. Gamin had assured him it was probably because he had been in shock. "I think Bob took them right to her and she called me. I just came; I knew I had to get to you. You haven't had any more problems at work, have you?"

"No but I haven't been in for more than half a day so far, Karen keeps sending me home and I can't say I mind, but everyone was really supportive. Bob and Brad have been appointed my body guards I think," Jason told him.

Tommy chuckled. "By who?"

"They decided it themselves. They're worse than Karen is about checking on me," Jason sighed, surprise and exasperated affection in his tone. "It's surprised me how much everyone has cared."

"Not everywhere is like Angel Grove," Tommy replied.

"I know but... It's kind of hard to think that way sometimes, at least for me. I hate it but I can't help wondering if that's going to happen again," Jason admitted. "I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Things are changing here too. I think a lot of people realized they did wrong by you now," Tommy mentioned.

"I'm not coming back." Jason's voice was firm and bore no room for discussion. That was one thing he was adamant about.

"No. I don't think you should and I would never want you to when I know it still hurts," Tommy said gently. "All our friends know it too. You don't have to worry about that."

There was a hesitation on the other end. "Did you tell them all?"

"Yeah. I left out a few details but they know and they know not to mention it,"Tommy assured him. "They were concerned and they want to see you again but no one is going to push."

"Good. I just can't yet. It doesn't make any sense but..." Jason trailed off uncomfortably.

"That's okay. Not everything has to make sense all the time," Tommy told him. "And I do understand. If I were you I wouldn't want that to be hanging over my head the whole time I was supposed to be on a vacation either."

"This is so messed up," Jason sighed.

"It could be worse," Tommy replied. He had said that many times when Jason started spiralling downwards again but normally he had responded to Jason's self hatred. At least he was acknowledging that the situation had been out of his control.

"I know," Jason said around a yawn. Tommy could tell exhaustion was creeping up on his lover. Jason had to be emotionally spent from everything that had happened over the past few days.

"Go to sleep, Jase," Tommy told him gently.

Jason sighed. "I don't really want to."

"I know but you sound like you're going to anyway," Tommy replied. "Look, I'll stay on the phone with you, if you want."

"That'll cost you too much," Jason told him even though there was a wistfulness in his voice that let Tommy knew what he really wanted.

"You called me, remember? But I'd split the cost with you, okay?" Tommy deliberately made his voice soothing. Jason did not want him to stop talking; it was the best comfort he could get without Tommy beside him. Tommy wasn't above manipulating Jason a little so he got a good night's sleep.

"Oh. I… You don't have to do that, Tom. I'll be fine," Jason insisted but Tommy could hear his was wavering by his tone.

"I want to. I need to know you're okay, Jase," Tommy said seriously. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jason sighed, giving in.

"Are you already in bed?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Lay down and don't worry about talking anymore. I'll tell you…" Tommy searched for something. "I'll tell you about what's been going on here, okay?"

"Mmm," Jason replied in a vague affirmative.

It was worth the crick in his neck and the loss of sleep the next morning when Tommy awoke with the phone still to his ear, the sound of Jason's peaceful breathing barely audible through the earpiece.

It was… nice getting to listen as Jason slowly woke up and being able to talk to him and tell him how much he loved him before they had to hang up so they could both get ready.

It was an eye opener.

Something in Tommy unlocked and he realized that things had to change again. Jason, their relationship, was too important to keep taking a back burner because of geography and Tommy knew what he had to do to make it right.

* * *

"When is he supposed to get here?" Billy asked.

Tommy sighed and glanced out the window. "Anytime now. He'll be here. He would have called me if he had changed his mind."

"If you say so," Billy said but his tone doubtful.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tommy asked as his eyes narrowed.

"Calm down, Tom. I was not trying to be offensive. From what you have told me, Jason has had a very bad experience and that may set him back. Both of you have placed a great deal of importance on this weekend, perhaps a little too much. He may not want to call you because he does not want to disappoint you," Billy pointed out.

"Shit," Tommy sighed before offering Billy a wryly smile. "When did you get so… insightful?"

"I live with Trini. It was inevitable," Billy replied.

"I still think he would call me," Tommy commented. "He wouldn't just not show up."

Billy shrugged. "All I have heard about Jason over the past year is what you have told me. Far too much of that news has been a little disturbing and out of character for the person who has been my closest friend for years. I cannot help but worry for him."

"He has changed. It isn't as noticeable now as it was when I first found him but there have been changes. I don't think they were avoidable, unfortunately. But he never meant for any of this to happen," Tommy said, coming to his lover's defence.

"I never thought he did. I remember well the feeling of the need to flee and hide," Billy reminded him sagely.

Tommy sighed. "Neither of you should have had to feel like that. I'm s…"

"Don't you dare apologize. It was as much my fault as it was yours and more out of our hands than anything. The same goes for the situation Jason was unfortunate enough to be in," Billy said fiercely.

Tommy was surprised by the intensity with which Billy spoke. He opened his mouth to say... something, he was not quite sure what, when his cell phone rang. He exchanged a glance with Billy; both hoping Jason hadn't changed his mind about coming.

"Hello?"

"Hi." Jason's voice was quiet.

"Hey, Jase."Tommy kept his voice quiet and comforting deliberately. "You okay?"

"Guess so," Jason mumbled.

"Where are you?" Tommy asked, growing more concerned by the distress he could hear in his lover's voice.

"I'm just... about ten minutes down the road, I think." Jason's voice was quiet. "I don't know if I can do this, Tommy."

"Do you think you can do it if I'm with you?" Tommy asked gently.

Jason sighed, uncertain. "I don't know. I... I just don't know. Tommy..."

"I'm coming, Jase. You just stay there. I'm coming," Tommy assured him, already moving out the door, leaving Billy to grab the phone as a choked sound could be heard on the other end.

Jason was parked about ten minutes down the road that lead to the cottage. Tommy opened the unlocked passenger-side door and climbed in next to Jason, waiting for a signal as to whether he would accept comfort or reject it.

After a few moments Jason sighed and crumbled slightly so his head rested on the steering wheel. Tommy's hand drifted up and down the back of his neck, letting the soothing strokes help relieve some of the tension that had built up in his lover's body.

They stayed like that for about ten minutes, and then Jason raised his head to look at Tommy, his dark eyes weary. "Hey."

"Hey," Tommy replied. "You okay?"

Jason nodded glumly. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"Do you want to turn around? We can go home if you want to," Tommy offered.

"No," Jason responded immediately, stubborn steel in his voice. "No. I'm not doing that. Just… Just give me a minute, okay?"

"We can take as long as you want," Tommy assured him as he drew Jason into the protective circle of his arms.

Jason sighed and nuzzled his face against Tommy. "I'm so lucky to have you. I love you so much."

"About as much as I love you." Tommy rested his cheek on the top of Jason's head and closed his eyes, simply being in the moment.

They held each other for a long time, until Jason's tense muscles were nearly fully relaxed. Jason broke the silence with a soft sigh that was muffled by Tommy's shoulder. "I hate feeling like this. I hate being so fucking scared. I want it to stop."

"It will in time," Tommy told him, speaking from experience, "but I think you can make it stop. I know you'll get through this, Jase. I have faith in you."

Jason didn't respond. He held onto Tommy for another moment before letting go. He sighed and turned on the car. Tommy was glad it was only a few minutes to Billy's cottage. He didn't want Jason to over think this and end up turning around.

When they pulled into drive-way Tommy watched as Jason visibly gathered himself before stepping out of the car. Tommy put a comforting arm securely around him. Jason welcomed the touch. It helped to have Tommy's support but he knew, soon, he would have to be able to walk on his own.

Tommy could see Jason put up defences as he opened the front door, knowing Billy was waiting for them. He hated that Jason felt he had to brace himself to see someone who had once been his best friend. He could feel the tiny trembles coursing through the strong body. Getting through this would not be easy.

Billy was waiting in the front room. He turned when they entered and found himself at a loss for words. He had planned what he was going to do when Jason got there. He was going to give him the space he needed, keep things light, act like nothing had changed, but now that he was here, now that he saw him he couldn't think of anything at all.

Jason stood awkwardly at Tommy's side. Tommy grew very concerned as the silent stand off stretched on. He could feel Jason grip his hand convulsively and knew if something didn't happen soon he would be out of there.

Then Billy moved forward and hugged Jason hard. He couldn't help it. His original plan went out the window entirely.He hadn't seen his friend in so long and he looked so... different. So frightened and vulnerable and not right that Billy, who was not one for a lot of physical contact, had to hug him just to reassure himself that Jason was real, was actually there.

Jason hugged Billy back just as hard. He could feel Tommy's hand still resting on his back, grounding him and supporting him. His main focus remained on Billy and the nearly overwhelming relief that rushed through him.

"I'm so glad you came." Billy's voice was a tad broken. "I missed you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I missed you too," Jason replied his voice and body shaking slightly.

When Billy let go Tommy took over, hugging Jason tightly from behind and holding him as he began to calm. Billy took a tiny step back, wiping at suspiciously moist eyes, as Tommy whispered something to Jason. Billy looked at the two of them and smiled, doing more to reassure Jason everything was okay.

It would have worked if Kim and Trini hadn't chosen that moment to come up from the waterside and into the cottage. They took one look at Jason started determinedly toward him. Kim even let out a bit of a squeal.

Tommy caught the panicky look in Jason's eyes, the girls didn't.They hugged him within an inch of his life, chattering all the while. Kim alone could be overwhelming when she was excited and she was ecstatic that Jason had finally come back to them. Jason began to feel terribly confined.

"Bill, is there anywhere I can take him to calm down. He's really close to panicking and he'll bolt if he does," Tommy whispered, already shifting to get Jason out of there.

Billy looked at him, worry in his light eyes, "Is it that bad?"

"He's not the best in crowds, especially recently. It's just too much for him right now but we're working on it," Tommy replied, his eyes still on Jason. "Can you explain?"

"Yeah. Your room is down the hall, the second door to the right," Billy told him.

"Thanks," Tommy said with a sad smile.

Billy ran interference with the girls while Tommy wrapped an arm around Jason's waist and led him away. Jason leaned heavily into him. Tommy could feel his body quaking and quickened his pace.

The room was quiet and, because it got the morning sun, shady and cool. Tommy quickly got Jason laying down, not trusting him not to simply collapse if he didn't, and held him tightly. Jason was just glad for the reprieve and the opportunity to just breathe while Tommy held him and his heart stopped thumping so fast it felt as if it would beat out of his chest. He hadn't been comfortable in crowds yet and it had felt like there had been a crowd in that room. The urge to get away had been brutally demanding.

"Maybe we did this too fast," Tommy murmured, moving his hands up and down Jason's back in long soothing strokes.

"No," Jason said, his voice a bit muffled. "No, I want to be here. They just caught me off guard."

"Jase, you're shaking like a leaf." Tommy pointed out in concern.

"It was just a bit too much, it started to feel really crowded and then... well, you know what happened the last time," Jason said with a touch of embarrassment in his voice.

"Yeah, I do," Tommy said quietly.

The second day after the attack they had gone to the store to pick up some groceries and there was some sort of sidewalk sale going on in the plaza. The amount of people there had been far too much for Jason to handle and he had literally run back to the apartment. Tommy had been beyond worried to see him run off and then find him huddled and shaking in the apartment.Once they were out of the crowd it hadn't taken long for him to calm down.

His reactions had gotten better since then but they weren't great. He was flushed and shaking from the relatively small crowd in the living room. Tommy didn't think all of Jason's reaction was because he felt crowded through. Feeling crowded had been the catalyst for all the pent up tensions of getting to the cottage and seeing his friends.

"God, they're going to think I'm completely messed up now," Jason sighed, he was starting to calm down but that meant he could start worrying again.

"No, they won't and you're not. You've got to stop thinking like that, Jase. They know what happened. They shouldn't have rushed at you like that, if anything I bet they'll feel bad for scaring you," Tommy told him before adding, with a smile. "They were just really happy to see you again."

Jason smiled wanly, "Yeah, I noticed that."

"Good!" Tommy's grin broadened and he kissed Jason lightly. "You do realize you're not going to be able to avoid getting in contact with the others now, right?"

"I wouldn't want to even if I could avoid it," Jason replied. "I needed this, I didn't realize how much until I saw Billy but I do."

"Thank God! No more having Zack and Kim trying to weasel your address out of me! I think they had a bet going over who could get it first." Tommy felt Jason give a snort of laughter but other than that, the tremors had subsided. "Zack is going to want to come visit as soon there's a break in the show's schedule. He wanted to be here this weekend but…"

"New York is farther away than Angel Grove," Jason replied. "I know he would have been here if he could have swung it."

"You think you're ready to go back out there?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah," Jason said without moving.

"You have to get up to do that," Tommy reminded him.

"I can't," Jason replied cheekily.

"Why not?" Tommy asked a bit confused.

"You're pinning me down!" Jason chuckled.

"Oh. Right," Tommy realized that he was basically on top of Jason. Jason could get him off if he really wanted to but Tommy was glad he didn't feel he had to.

"So? Are you going to get off me or are we going to stay like this for awhile longer?" Jason asked.

"I'm getting up," Tommy replied.

"Pity," Jason smirked.

"Later," Tommy replied with a grin and somewhat lengthy kiss. "At least one of them is probably waiting for us and if they hear moaning in here they might get the wrong idea and come charging in to see what they can do to help."

* * *

Jason woke up shortly after dawn the next morning. He stayed in bed for a time, just listening to Tommy breathing and the birds that were just waking up outside the window. He figured he should have felt threatened, Tommy was sprawled on top of him, the weight almost pinning him to the mattress. But it was a warm weight, and felt more like a comfort than a threat.

He lay there and simply relished it. His fingers traced over Tommy's back, through his hair and down his peaceful face. He relearned the welcome sight of his love, fresh and golden as sunlight began to stream through the window. He had woken before dawn tipped her face over the horizon so Jason had been treated to an array of hues and tinges breaking across his lover's sleeping face as the broke upon the earth, from the ethereal, pale tinge of the waning night to the golden hue of early morn. It stole the breath from him.

Eventually, the growling in his stomach disturbed him enough to make him want to leave the cocoon of security and warmth Tommy unknowingly provided for him. He slowly slipped out for underneath his lover, careful not to disturb his rest. He thought briefly of waking him but Tommy had stayed up with him after a nightmare rocked him from his sleep, as he had done over the phone for many nights, and Jason did not want to cost him more rest than he already was. Besides, Tommy was never at his best in the morning, making Jason appreciate his calm and care when he was soothing him out of the grips of his dreams even more.

Jason pulled on a pair of socks and a sweater to combat the morning chill that seeped into the cottage. He grinned slightly as he padded softly down the hall, trying not to wake anyone else up. Billy had wanted to the cottage rustic, despite the large size, and refused to turn on the heat unless it was really cold. The mornings were always a bit chilly because of that but not cold enough to complain about. Besides, it was an extra incentive to snuggle during the night.

Jason was surprised to find Billy sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a mug of coffee, if the beverage could be called that since it looked more like motor oil, and reading a book Jason could not see the title of with a half eaten blueberry bagel at his elbow. He glanced up when Jason entered the room and smiled warmly.

"Morning. There's bagels and coffee around, well, you know where things are from the last time you were here," Billy said refering to an occasion about five months before Jason had left Angel Grove when the whole gang had managed to get up there. It had been hectic but it was one of the last really good memories Jason had associated with his old life. "Trini and Kim will mostly likely insist on cooking enough food to feed a whole contingent of people when they decide to greet the day but there should be enough there to tide you over."

"Thanks." Jason remembered that it used to be assumed he would just take what he wanted; Billy did the same when at Jason's home. It would take time to rebuild that effortless, ultra casual side of their relationship.

Jason fixed himself a bagel and a cup of tea; he had never enjoyed coffee though he used to drink it like a fiend before deadlines at work. Now he made a conscious choice to drink tea, though he had never been fond of it until he started drinking it regularly. He did not need to drink coffee to stay awake any longer and certain types of tea helped him to relax. He still had trouble sleeping through the night and, though he had discussed it with Dr. Gamin, had decided against taking medication to help, instead opting for other methods like drinking chamomile tea, keeping a small lavender pillow on his bed, and sleeping in one of Tommy's spare sweaters when Tommy wasn't there. It helped so Jason wasn't about to knock it.

They ate in silence for a while. It wasn't comfortable or uncomfortable. It was a bit strange though and seemed to stretch for longer than it actually lasted. Jason could tell Billy wanted to ask him something, he could guess the topic easily enough, but wouldn't because of Tommy's warning against it.

'Well, we're not going to get anywhere if he can't even talk to me,' Jason thought. 'I have to start somewhere...'

"You can ask me, you know," Jason said, surprised that his voice sounded as steady as it did. Maybe it was the fact he'd already finished one cup of tea or maybe it was the time he had gotten to spend wrapped up with Tommy earlier but he definitely felt calmer then he had when discussing his problems with anyone but his lover or psychologist.

"Hmm... Oh." Billy blushed a little at having been caught with that look of intense curiosity he had never managed to hide well even after all this time. "Tom advised us against it."

"I know but for some reason this morning I feel less, well, skittish. It's fine by me if you want to ask something but I can't promise I'll answer everything," Jason told him.

"That's more than fair." Billy looked at his friend carefully. "I would never push a conversation further than you wanted it to go, Jason."

Jason nodded, "I know you wouldn't. I'm just telling you in advance there are some things I'm not willing to discuss yet."

Billy considered Jason for a few long moments; the light green gaze gently held Jason's own midnight eyes and Jason knew from that look that Billy was not going to hurt him, not intentionally, not if there was anything he could do to keep that from happening. In fact, if he were reading the look in those green eyes correctly, Billy would fight tooth and nail to keep him safe from others as well, just as Jason had done for him during their school days.

"We worried about you," Billy said at last. "Were we right to?"

"Yeah," Jason sighed. "I've been really messed up for awhile. I'm trying to make things work again but it hasn't been easy."

"You had our support, you know, even while you were gone you always had it," Billy commented.

"I know that now," Jason admitted. "Then I wasn't so sure. Later I wasn't sure about anything."

"Then Tommy found you."

"Then Tommy gave me something to be sure of again," Jason replied. "I fought him on it for awhile but he wouldn't give in until I was sure of us again."

Billy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Jason's hands tightened around his mug, sensing the next question or comment would not be exactly nice but was something Billy had to say. "You know, when you first left I was incredibly angry with you. Tom was devastated, we all were but he was just... I could not believe you would do that to him."

A blush stained Jason's cheeks and he looked down, unable to met Billy's eyes. The already consciously gentled gaze softened further and Billy did something as rare for him as the hug the day before, he laid his hand atop Jason's and squeezed it in support. Jason's eyes flickered to Billy's face and he felt relief seep through him at the slight smile he saw there.

"Then I reminded myself of who I was thinking about and realized how hurt you would have to be for you to feel you had to abandon your home, and the family you have in us, to spare us pain. I can only imagine how wounded you must have been to be driven to that and I will never be able to express how sorry I am that you had to go through it alone," Billy said quietly.

Jason swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "I wouldn't let anyone in to help, Bill, I wouldn't let anyone see I needed help even. You couldn't have done anything."

Billy shrugged, "In hindsight I find it nearly impossible to believe how many signs we missed. The situation was out of control but we all missed how much so until it was too late and you were out of our reach. We did not take very good care of you, that is what we promised to do for each other, what you did so many times for us. I'm sorry we could not do that for you."

"I'm not sure how much you could have done except maybe soften the blow for me a little," Jason told him truthfully. "I would have had to leave anyway. I never blamed you guys for what you didn't do or see, I never even thought of that. You treated me like everything was normal and I think that's what I wanted at the time. And those wounds, they're there but they're healing and I think that is something you can help with."

"Jason, anything you need anyone of us would be more than willing to give," Billy told him.

"Please, don't be afraid to touch me. You've been good about that but the girls haven't. I know I freaked out yesterday but not because I can't be touched. I can't deal with crowds so well yet," Jason blurted out. That had been playing on his mind for some time. "Even Tommy hesitates sometimes and it bothers me. It makes me feel... damaged somehow."

"You are not damaged, Jason. Do not ever think you are. Tommy does not think that. Judging from what he has told me, which I admit is less than I asked for, he is hesitant because he fears your reaction will be negative, which it could very easily be under the circumstances. It had nothing to do with him not wanting to touch you. If he had his way I believe he would haul you off somewhere no one could ever hurt you again and hold you from now until the end of time," Billy said with such conviction Jason could not help but believe him.

"Logically, I know but my heart has trouble understanding it sometimes. When I wake up from the nightmares I've been getting lately I don't want anyone near me for a while but other than that..." Jason sighed, very touched by Billy's words. "He's my comfort. I need him to touch me, to just be with me. If he hadn't been there after the attack I don't know what I would have done."

"Tell him that. Let him know..."

"I won't freak out on him if he touches me," Jason commented dryly, needing to lighten the conversation for at least a moment. It was getting too thick. He needed air.

"Well, I would not have put it in such crude phrasing, but essentially, yes," Billy replied with a quirky grin.

They shared a smile for a moment and Jason chuckled before saying, "I'm sorry it took me so long to do this."

Billy waved the apology away. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You do not give yourself enough credit. It took a great deal of courage to get yourself this far, even I can see that. I know you were worried, probably even scared, of something here and seeing us again but you did not hide those fears. You recognized them, expressed them and confronted them or else you would not have been sitting here with me discussing this earnestly. You give no intention of letting any type of set back force you into submission. There is a great deal of strength in that. Do not negate how far you have come. Do not apologize to me when we both made mistakes that brought us to this point."

"I still have a long way to go yet," Jason told him truthfully. "I hate it but what happened was a big set back."

"Yet you still came and you can admit that to me, someone you have not seen or spoken to for months," Billy reminded him.

"I know you aren't going to hurt me." Jason's eyes were resolute with that belief and Billy swore to himself he would do everything in his power to see that belief was never shaken.

"I am very glad you are aware of that fact," Billy replied.

"What did Tommy tell you happened, exactly?" Jason wondered after a moments pause. He needed to change the subject, the intensity of the moment needed to be broken.

Billy, for once in his life, did not really think, just parroted back a very brief summery of what Tommy had told him. "He told Trini and I that you were attacked at work, your attackers came into your office, managed to catch you by surprise, pushed you up against a wall and threatened to rape you and then kill you but you managed to get away before anything could happen."

Jason shuddered at the words, he had avoided using them directly except with Dr. Gamin and even then, his reaction was bad. They would not be avoidable for too much longer but they were still very sharp and cutting. The memory of what could have been, as seen too vividly in his ghastly nightmares, was too fresh for him, the edges were still to jagged to touch.

Billy tightened his grip on Jason's hand, realizing his mistake quickly, "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," Jason replied automatically even though he knew before the words left his mouth he was not.

"You're shaking." Billy gripped his hand even tighter to try to stop the trembled that consumed it. "Jason..."

"I'm going to put my hands on your shoulders, okay? It's just me. I won't hurt you. I'm just going to slide my hands onto your shoulders. Relax." The voice was gentle and very welcome but the fact it had come from behind and unnoticed made Jason flinch violently.

He braced himself for the contact but even so winced sharply and let out a shuddering breath when the careful hands made contact with him. He closed his eyes tightly, his breathing sharp, and gripped Billy's hand convulsively, trying to get through the moment.

The hands moved in slow soothing circles on his shoulders until enough of the tension and his body relaxed enough for them to dip lower. They paused as the tension returned and continued when it ebbed until Tommy had enfolded him in his arms, in what Jason had once called his safety zone.

Jason pressed against him, letting his face turn into the side of Tommy's neck as he tried to will his breathing and heart to slow. His lungs were constricting painful and he could not control the harshness of his breathing. Tommy's hand moved up and down his arms soothingly, helping to ease the tremors from his body, and the other held him tightly. He was murmuring in his ear, a soft mantra of, "You're safe. You're safe. You're safe." that helped penetrate his sudden panic.

Billy held both his hands tightly, adding his support. He was inwardly cursing himself from making such a stupid mistake, although he could not have known Jason would react that strongly to the words.

Jason's most vivid association with the attack was hearing words relating to rape or murder because of the harsh words hissed into his ear during the attack. The stark, easy wording of the situation made it that much more real and he was not ready to deal with it, not without being safely held in Tommy's arms while in Dr. Gamin's office and even then it was iffy. Words and crowds bothered him much more than touching did, they were his two weakest points concerning the attack.

It took time for Jason to calm; luckily, it was still early and neither of the girls had stirred yet. Eventually, the tremors passed and he relaxed in Tommy's arms, nearly going limp as he felt terror's grip on him wane and subside. His grip on Billy's hands slowly loosened and he winced slightly as blood began to flow freely into them. He knew if he looked at his fingers, they would be white from the strain.

"Uh... I'll go get some... tea," Billy said awkwardly.

Jason realized Tommy had probably made some suggestion for Billy to leave. Tea wasn't a bad idea though, he thought in a detached sort of way. He was still a bit shaky and anything could send him over the edge again.

"Hey," Tommy murmured, his fingers gently stroking Jason's cheek. "You with me?"

"Yeah," Jason replied, his voice was soft but steady.

"What set that off?" Tommy asked.

"The words. Remember what happened in Dr. Gamin's office?" Jason sighed. "It was worse this time. I wasn't ready for them."

"You were talking about it?" Tommy asked, not sure whether to be surprised or angry or both.

"It's okay." Jason opened his eyes and pulled back just enough to look at Tommy. "I really was fine until the attack came up. I started the conversation as well."

"It's probably a good thing you did; the wrong things were just mentioned I guess." Tommy sighed, hugging his lover closer as he decided to say what he had been mulling over since Jason's first early morning phone call.

"I think we need to consider talking to Dr. Gamin about a prescription for something to help with these panic attacks," Tommy said, going on quickly as Jason made a sound of protest. "I know you don't like the idea but the attacks really incapacitate you. What happens when you have one and I'm not around?"

Jason shifted uncomfortably. "I haven't had that many bad ones yet..."

Tommy raised an eyebrow, "No? Jason, Karen calls me when you have to leave work because of them. You've had too many that she knows about. How many have you had where she hasn't called me so I can phone you and talk you out of it?"

"A few. I... They haven't been that bad... except one that was," Jason mumbled.

"What happened?" Tommy pressed gently.

"I don't even remember what set me off. Or getting home. I just found myself huddling beside the bed and it was hard to breath. I was so out of it I couldn't even think to call you." Jason moved further into Tommy's arms. "It took me almost all night to calm down again."

"Oh Jase," Tommy sighed softly. "That can't be happening. It's not acceptable and could get you hurt. We have to find something to help you with this."

Jason sighed, "I know. I don't have to like it though."

Tommy was silent for a moment. "There's something else that might help. I still think we need to look at some sort of medication but... I've been making arrangements to leave Angel Grove."

"What?" Jason jerked back. "Tom, you can't do that! Your life is in Angel Grove. I don't want you to lose that."

"You are where my life is," Tommy said fiercely, making Jason meet his gaze. "I should have left with you in the first place. I don't have a place in Angel Grove anymore, I haven't in months, maybe even since you left. I've been hanging on to something that's not there for me anymore."

"But... But your job... Your friends..." Jason stammered.

"Our friends, the people who have accepted us, are the only ones I need. Everything has been taken care of. I've got a job lined up. Rocky has already found someone to replace me as an instructor. I've even done some online browsing of buildings if I decide to open my own dojo sometime in the future," Tommy told him. "I even found a place to stay if you're going to stay mad at me for doing all this without telling you beforehand."

"Oh." Jason considered protesting but there was not much he could do. Besides, he could not help but feel a tremendous amount of relief and contentment. "I hope you didn't make any kind of down payment because you're moving in with me."

"Good, that's what I wanted and no, I didn't," Tommy admitted. "I shouldhave been with you all along."

Jason did not comment on that. He did not want to dwell on it. Instead he opted to settle back into Tommy's arms. "Maybe we should find a new apartment altogether. When are you moving in?"

"In two and a half weeks. I would have thought you'd protest more than this," Tommy said.

Jason shrugged, "I can't come up with anything to disagree with. I don't like that you have to do it but..."

"I don't have to, I want to," Tommy corrected.

"...I can't help but be glad you're going to be around all the time," Jason tilted his head back and smiled slightly at his love. "I won't have to miss you anymore."

"Ditto." Tommy grinned before gently, carefully pressing his lips to Jason's.He was relieved when Jason responded and he deepened the kiss as his hands slid further up Jason's back, holding him closer.

They only broke apart when the heard a loud, "Ahem!" behind them and turned to see Kim standing a few feet away, a wide grin on her face. They both blushed and Jason buried his head in Tommy's shirt, laughing so hard his body shook.

"So, should I make breakfast or are you two going to have another source of protein this morning?"

* * *

"Dammit!" Tommy sighed in frustration as his marshmallow caught fire yet again.

Jason laughed, "How many is that now?"

"Seven. Shut up," Tommy grumbled. "I'm doing this one handed."

"So am I," Trini commented from where she sat across the fire. "I haven't burned any."

"You've always sucked at roasting marshmallows," Kim added. "Don't blame it on the one handedness."

Tommy scowled and looked at Billy expectantly. The other man was concentrating on his own marshmallow. "Well, aren't you going to insult me too?"

Billy looked slightly startled, he had not really been following the conversation, and said, "Uh... You're funny looking?"

It was hard to tell who laughed harder but through his blush Tommy seemed to win out. As they calmed down, Jason shifted closer and took the stick from his hand. Tommy wrapped his arm tighter around Jason and rested his chin against his shoulder.

Jason smiled and put another marshmallow on the end of the stick. He stuck it back over the coals as Tommy pressed a tiny kiss against the side of his neck. It was heavenly, being able to sit like this without worrying about suffering for it later.

The other three smiled indulgently at the show of affection. The weekend had started out roughly but had steadily progressed into a very enjoyable time. At first, Jason had almost been scared to touch Tommy in front of them. When they had not reacted badly after Jason had needed Tommy's touch to ground him he had started to relax. Not having to second-guess everything he did was a wonderful feeling for Jason.

"So, what's going to happen now?" Trini asked quietly as Jason worked on slowly turned the goldening marshmallow.

Jason remained silent for a moment before raising his dark eyes to meet his friends' one by one. "I'm not going to disappear again, if that's what you're thinking."

"I was not particularly worried about that," Billy told him. "After all, we know where you live now. I am, however, faintly concerned you will decide to put off contact with us and the others again for prolonged periods of time."

"Yeah," Kim piped in. "We care about you, Jase, and we've missed you so much. We're not going to let you get by with just visits once in a while so don't even think you can away with that!"

Jason flushed slightly in embarrassment but could not help but smile at the comment. Being around his friends and Tommy like this... It made him feel normal again.

"I don't want to do that again," Jason admitted. "But... It's hard sometimes. It sounds ridiculous but sometimes I have to make myself do things that should be so hard."

"It's not ridiculous," Trini said firmly. "And we're going to put as much effort into keeping in touch as you will. We're not letting you out of our lives again."

"Thank you." Jason blushed. "I want you guys in my life again even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes."

"We know," Trini assured him. "It's hard. We know. We get it and we're not giving up on you. Now or ever."

"Yeah, that's right," Kim agreed. "And if you ever forget that again you're going to be taking it up with a couple pissed off Pink and Yellow rangers."

"Uh-oh!" Billy grinned wickedly. "That is certainly a deterrent. Utter doom awaits those the fearsome Pink Ranger has marked for reve... Oof!"

No one was sure if Kim's half-cooked marshmallow hit his glasses first of if Trini had pushed him off the bench and it had fallen onto the lens that way. Which ever was first the end was the same, Billy ended up on his back in the sand with a marshmallow stuck to the lens of his glasses.

As he picked himself up the two former female Rangers exchanged a high five. Kim smirked, "You were saying Bill?"

For a moment, Billy did not know what to say in reaction. He finally settled on picking the sticky mess off his glasses and popping it in his mouth, ignoring a few grains of sand on the tacky sweet, "Thank you. It was most delicious."

Trini rolled her eyes. "That's it. I'm limiting the time you spend with Rocky and Zack. They're rubbing off on you too much!"

For a moment Billy was concerned the girls were actually upset with him but Trini threading her fingers with his again made the thought evaporate. "Yes Ma'am!"

Tommy felt the vibration from Jason's chuckles and smiled, shifting so he could wrap both arms around his waist and rest his chin on Jason's shoulder. The other man moved just a little, bringing the stick up slowly. Tommy could see the perfectly golden brown marshmallow on the end.

"Do you want it plain or do you want a s'more?" Jason asked.

"S'more," Tommy replied. The chocolate and graham cracker could hide the taste of the marshmallow, which he didn't actually like. It was part of the reason he burned them all the time. The other reason was he just couldn't seem to stop them from catching on fire.

Jason pulled away just enough to stick the marshmallow between the chocolate and crackers before handing the sticky snack back to Tommy and settling back against him. Tommy freed one hand from its comfortable position around Jason so he could nibble on the gooey, yummy mess.

"You're going to get crumbs all over my shoulder like that," Jason teased.

Tommy made an exaggerated show of popping the last bite into his mouth and then wiping off Jason's shoulder. Jason grinned and kissed him, sharing the taste of the S'more. They broke apart when Trini and Kim started whistling, much to Jason's embarrassment. His face turned beet red as he tried to contain his laughter.

Tommy buried his head against Jason's shoulder to smother his laughter, "Why'd we think this was a good idea again?"

"Don't know, it was one of yours," Jason replied cheekily. For only Tommy's ears he whispered a very quiet, "Thank you."

Tommy just grinned and gave him a squeeze as the teasing was picked up by their friends.

It was good to be home.


	6. Thank You For Loving Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 

Author's Note: Well this is the FINAL chapter of Hey Baby. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad about that. This series certainly took on a life or its own, considering the original chapter was supposed to be a standalone! Many thanks to Mandi, for beta'ing and her and Rene for prodding me to write faster! There is a NC-17 version of this if anyone would like it. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!

Oh, and I posted a songfic a few weeks ago "Don't Need the Sun to Shine" and didn't get one review. Sniffles The best way to get me to write faster period is to give me feedback! ;-)

Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.

Thank You For Loving Me

Tommy sighed, letting his fingers stray absently over the warm skin beneath him. He never wanted to move. He could be content laying there, reveling in the sensation of smooth skin against his own and listening to his lover breathing, for the rest of his life...

"I have to go to Toronto..."

"What?" Tommy jerked up, away from his lover, his chest feeling painfully tight.

Jason wasn't having any of it. He followed Tommy, planting a firm kiss on his lips and using his lover's surprise to slip his tongue through his open mouth before he could say anything else. He kissed him almost playfully, leaving Tommy more confused than concerned.

"I have to go to Toronto for a conference, in a little over a month, for about two weeks," Jason told him, relaxing back against the pillows and raising an eyebrow at Tommy. "Aren't I supposed to be the one who freaks out over stuff like that?"

Tommy snorted as he flopped onto the bed beside Jason. Jason was not the same as before but Tommy was as deeply in love with the man he had become as he had been with the boy he had first fallen for. It had been seven months since Jason had stopping seeing Dr. Gamin and more than a year and a half since he had used any of the medication that had been prescribed for his panic attacks.

Tommy was glad they did not have to worry about the medication any more. The first time Jason had needed to use it had been a mess. Tommy had arrived home one day to find Jason sprawled on the couch, nearly unconscious. Jason had tried to speak but his words had been slurred and incoherent. Tommy concentrated on keeping him conscious while he called an ambulance, thinking Jason had overdosed.

It wasn't until they got to the hospital that everything was cleared up. As they were preparing to pump Jason's stomach one of the nurses noticed there were only two pills missing from the bottle which Tommy had brought along. A quick call to Dr. Gamin revealed that Jason was perfectly safe, he had taken the maximum dosage when he really only needed half that.

Most of his panic attacks had warranted one pill, only rarely did he need to take two. One left him calmer, if a bit dazed, drowsy and not trusting himself to drive home. Two meant Tommy fretted for days afterwards, saying this time he had been there, or Jason had had the sense to call him before he passed out in their bed or on the sofa, but what if he next time he wasn't reachable? Jason knew, if that were the case, he would be fine, if a little groggy and disoriented when he came to but he let Tommy worry over him a little more than usual, knowing he would do the same thing.

"Hey," Jason's voice broke through Tommy's thoughts. He had shifted to his side and was looking at him with a slight hesitance. "I have to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Come with me to Toronto," Jason requested.

"I'm not sure I can get the time off work. I've already booked off for Trini and Billy's wedding. That would mean I'm taking three weeks off of the next two months, I'm not sure I can swing it." Tommy sighed. "I'd like to but..."

"Just for a week, or less even if you can't manage a week but... It's important," Jason interrupted awkwardly.

"Okay." Tommy paused for a moment and looked at his lover. Jason was nervous but was resolved about whatever this was. "Why is me going to Toronto so important to you?"

Jason sighed and shifted so he could bury his head against Tommy's shoulder. "Do you know what they've decided there? What legislature the Canadian government has passed?"

"No," Tommy admitted, gently stroking the dark head resting against him.

For a moment Jason was silent. He lifted his head just enough to look at Tommy and his voice trembled a little but his eyes were certain. "I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've never been so complete as I am when I'm just like this with you, not doing anything special just... being. I have never been so sure of anything as I am of what we have, our love. Even when I was a mess, when I was crumbling and ready... ready to let go of everything I clung to that. I never want to be without you again."

"Jase..." Tommy felt moisture start to collect in his eyes.

"I... Tommy, I'm asking you to marry me," Jason finished, his voice finally steady.

It took a moment for Tommy to process what Jason had just said, just, literally, proposed. In those few seconds of electric silence Jason started to ramble.

"I know it's silly. I don't even think it would be recognized as a marriage here but... it will be somewhere and it'll be legal somewhere and it's so close. I know it's not the first place to legalize gay marriages but we can get married there, and no one can say anything to stop us. I know we basically already have a marriage but... I don't know... This just seems right somehow and..."

"Yes," Tommy said.

"...and I want you to know, for certain, that I'm not running away again, ever. I... What?" Jason looked shocked as Tommy's answer managed to get through his mind. "Oh. I... Oh."

Tommy laughed and reached up, drawing Jason's mouth against his and kissing him soundly. Jason still looked shocked when they parted. Tommy wrapped his arms tightly around his love, pulling him close and peppering his face with laughing kisses. "Yes. You're a fool and I love you and of course I'll marry you. I would have asked you only I didn't know we could. I've actually thought about suggesting we take a trip to Vermont."

"Really?" Jason asked, feeling rather giddy. "When?"

"Right after I found you. Then when I moved in with you. Then when we moved into this apartment. It just never seemed right." Tommy smirked, running a teasing hand down Jason's chest. "Besides, as I recall we tended to do other things on those nights..."

"Oh?" Jason grinned. "Care to refresh my memory?"

"Again?" Tommy asked with a raised eyebrow before breaking into laughter. "You're insatiable."

"Yes, but it's fun to try!" Jason replied cheekily, drawing Tommy's lips to his own as hands began to wander.

* * *

It was a warm autumn day. It could not be called hot or cold but there was a slight bite of chill in the air. The leaves were coloured, giving the feel of a stationary fireworks display in red, orange and yellow, and the air was tinged with the sharp tang of pumpkin.

They were dressed casually, slacks and button down shirts but nothing too fancy. The few people they had invited to watch the event were dressed similarly. Bob and Brad, Billy, Jason's counterpart from the Toronto office who had arranged everything, her two friends manning cameras and the minister's wife made up the guest list.

Billy's attendance had been somewhat of a fluke. He had been in Toronto doing a guest lecture at Ryerson as a favour to a friend. They had only asked him to come the night before, knowing if they had done otherwise they would have had a busload of people from Angel Grove there as well. It wasn't that they didn't want their friends there but they didn't want to inconvenience anyone and this... Tommy didn't know how to put it into words. It just worked for them, the way they were doing this.

They stood facing each other. Tommy noticed that Jason's hands were shaking and quietly reached the small distance between them to reach them. He squeezed gently, once, seeing Jason smile in response.

Tommy knew very well he may have been shaking himself if he had not been focussing on Jason. There were just so many thoughts and feelings crowding in his body he felt a rush not unlike morphing pumping through him. He managed to stay still by watching Jason, watching him calm and settle as the minister began speaking.

He was really glad that the ceremony was being video taped because he got so caught up in watching his love, watching relief, happiness and a wide smile blossom on his face as their eyes met. He would, reflecting later, say that he did catch the really important parts anyway…

"Jason Lee Scott do you take Thomas James Oliver to be your lawfully wedded Husband. Do you take him, with all his faults and strengths, and offer yourself with all your faults and strengths? Do you promise to help him when he needs help and turn to him when you need help? Do you vow to love him and care for him, for as long as you both shall love?"

"I do," Jason responded without hesitation.

"And do you, Thomas James Oliver take Jason Lee Scott to be your lawfully wedded Husband. Do you take him, with all his faults and strengths, and offer yourself with all your faults and strengths? Do you promise to help him when he needs help and turn to him when you need help? Do you vow to love him and care for him, for as long as you both shall love?" The minister asked, turning to him.

"I do," Tommy answered effortlessly, grinning in response to the smile that spread across Jason's face.

"Then by the powers vested in me by the United church of Canada I pronounce you married. You may kiss," The minister proclaimed.

Tommy didn't know if he or Jason leaned forward or if they both moved together but their lips met tenderly, a promise of what was yet to come, of years and years to come. They were smiling as they kissed, sealing their vows, and vaguely realized the few attendees were applauding quietly.

When they broke apart and turned to the small crowd the minister announced, "I now introduce to you Thomas and Jason Oliver-Scott."

Jason's grin outshined a thousand watt bulb and Tommy knew his would be just the same as Billy hugged them both tightly, honoured to be the first to congratulate them even if he was a bit peeved they'd kept this a secret.

"You do realize the girls are going to kill you both?" He told them, smiling in spite of himself. "And if you think for one minute you're going to get out of sharing our wedding reception you've got another thing coming."

"Bill..." Jason began to protest.

"It's either that or the gang will get together to throw one just for you. You're not getting out of it," Billy chuckled. "Now, I think we need to toast this."

A bottle of champagne that Billy had brought and hidden appeared from behind a bush. Constance, the minister's wife, disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a cake, an ice cream cake leaving the others with trying to figure out why the newlyweds laughed at that, adorned with two hastily found grooms. It had been a last minute thing, even she admitted they were lucky it didn't have happy birthday written on it.

They had only just cut the cake, Jason smearing a dab of ice cream on Tommy's nose and quirking an eyebrow at him, when they heard a honk and Bob and Brad disappeared only to return with a small fest of Chinese food. None of it had been planned, most arranged at the last minute but everyone had been happy to stay.

They all stayed later than anyone had expected. As the sun set one member of the little party when around lighting the torches normally used to keep away mosquitoes and plugged in the white Christmas lights someone had twined around the deck for a birthday party months ago. The minister brought a portable cd player out after going inside to take off his collar and they danced barefoot in the grass until their feet felt slightly numb just because they could.

Danny and Mandi, who came as a favour to record the event and stayed for the after party, videotaped and snapped pictures until they both ran out of film, eating and helping to finish off the champagne and two bottles of wine Constance had produced later in the evening. Mandi even ran off for ten minutes to buy two more rolls of film from the nearby corner store.

They all left around the same time, Jason and Tommy both thanking everyone profusely as they left, grinning from ear to ear. It wasn't a surprise to find a chilled bottle of wine, they had both seen Billy sneak away to make the call to the hotel, when they arrived back at their room. It was consumed between kisses and... other activities.

It was not until quite a while later that they lay curled together in a nest of blankets. Tommy was idly stroking the broad back as Jason lay half on top of him, his head over his heart. They were just happy, just glad to wallow in that sweet moment before facing the world again the next day.

* * *

"I cannot believe you didn't invite me to your wedding!"

Tommy grimaced, "Kim, we didn't invite anyone..."

"You invited Billy!" She declared, hands on her hips, giving him a look that would put the worst demons to shame.

"That was a fluke. He was in Toronto at the tim..." Tommy protested.

"I don't care. I invited you to my wedding! I expected you to return the favour!" Kim replied, shaking her finger at him.

"You didn't have to go to another country to get married," Tommy reminded her.

"That's no excuse! I would have found a way to get to Toronto and you know it! Don't!" She warned, seeing Tommy open his mouth to try and defend himself again. "Stop while you're behind. I'm not going to change my mind about this. You owe me big time mister!"

With that she turned sharply and marched away, presumably to corner Trini and "help" her with some details for the next day. Tommy stood, shaking his head, wondering why on earth she hadn't been made leader of the Rangers at some point; she could be such a tyrant when she had to be.

"As clichéd as it may be, I told you so," Billy chimed in, coming to stand beside his friend.

"I know, I know," Tommy sighed and then gave a little laugh. "She did congratulate us first though."

"I suppose that means she will, eventually, forgive you for not including her," Billy commented.

"Yeah." Tommy shook his head. "You'd think I'd excluded her from her own wedding!"

"I think to Kim any wedding that occurs within our family counts as one of her weddings. You will not be able to convince her it is not," Billy replied. He cleared his throat once, then looked at Tommy seriously. "I just wanted you to know that Trini and I both appreciate you and Jason coming. I know you do not enjoy returning to Angel Grove and that you would for us... Thank you."

"Billy, we wouldn't think of missing it, not even if you decided to get married on the moon," Tommy told him.

Billy grinned wryly, "Then you know why Kim is mad at you for not inviting her."

Tommy looked startled for a moment, his face slowly breaking into a grin. He shook his head, "Oh boy. We're going to be paying for that for awhile..."

I never knew I had a dream

Until that dream was you

When I look into your eyes

The sky's a different blue

Cross my heart

I wear no disguise

If I tried, you'd make believe

That you believed my lies

It was not the first time Jason had been back to Angel Grove, just the first time he'd really ventured outside the safety of friends' homes without being surrounded by them. They drove any ill-wishers away when he and Tommy visited by making sure they were always surrounded by a crowd of people who were allies.

He had not had any problems related to that since once during a hometown visit, he had actually been surprised when a few people he had known had offered him apologies for one thing or another they had done before he had left. That did not mean he felt secure or safe there. He could not help but feel slightly paranoid when, for whatever reason, he was not surrounded by his friends.

So going to the grocery store, even though the owner had been one of the few to not hate him after he came out, was nerve wracking but someone had to pick up the trays and everyone else was busy with some wedding detail. It would have been fine; he went early on a Saturday, if not for the person he met in the parking lot.

He had never expected to see her again and was surprised at how much it hurt. He was just glad Tommy was awake when he got back to Billy and Trini's home, and that they didn't mind them sneaking off for a bit to sort it out.

Whenever he could be, Tommy was there when Jason had a panic attack, no matter how mild, and tried twice as hard whenever Jason needed to take his medication because of an attack. Unless Jason was really bad, they liked to find a couch. Tommy sat, Jason's head in his lap, and stroked the dark hair gently while Jason calmed down, talked to him and quite often dozed for awhile.

It was a habit that stuck, and whenever one of them was upset they tended to sit like that. It gave them both a feeling of comfort and they retreated to the basement when Jason returned from the store, confused and upset, to try and figure out what they were going to do.

Jason, however, had had time to think about it in the car ride home. He already knew what he was going to do, what he had to do. He just needed Tommy close for awhile, and he to tell his husband what he was going to do.

"I'm going to go," Jason said, after laying there for awhile, concentrating on the feel of Tommy's fingers combing through his hair.

Tommy was surprised at that and of how steady Jason sounded. "You sure?"

"I need to know," Jason answered. "I have to know what they want. If there's a chance they'll accept me..."

"I know," Tommy paused and then let out a loud sigh. "I just don't want to see you hurt again."

"I have to take the chance. You know I do. You would do the same thing if it were your family," Jason turned, looking up at Tommy. "I have to go."

"I know but I can't help but worry. I love you, I hate knowing they could hurt you, and I know just how much it could hurt you too." Tommy touched his cheek gently; Jason was nervous, he could tell, but not as much as Tommy would have thought he would be.

"Don't worry, come with me," Jason said.

"What?"

"She asked me to bring you as well. Actually, she said to bring my young man with me." A ghost of a smile flickered across Jason's face. "I was so surprised I didn't really register it at the time, or what it could mean."

Tommy returned the tiny smile. "Yeah. This might actually be okay."

"And if it's not I'll live. It'll hurt but..." Jason shrugged and caught Tommy's hand, kissing his palm and nuzzling his cheek against it. "We've been through worse."

* * *

Hours later, standing on the front steps of the house Tommy could not help but worry about what this would do to his husband. To have a glimmer of hope and then to have it snatched away... It just seemed so unnecessarily cruel, and they had been through enough!

"Hey." Jason nudged Tommy gently before finding his hand and clasping it tightly, "it'll be fine. No matter what happens in there, it'll be fine."

Tommy smiled. "I know. Let's just get it over with, okay?"

Jason nodded, took a deep breath, and knocked on the blue door. Tommy watched him carefully out of the corner of his eye; he'd gotten to be very good at that. Jason was calm. He was ready for this, whatever came from it he was ready to either start letting these people back into his life or go back to his other family, the family that would never let him go again.

They heard noise on the other side of the door for a second before it swung open and they were quickly drawn inside. There was a little cry of joy and Jason had to let go of Tommy's hand as his grandmother hugged him like she would never let him go.

Tommy thought the only reason she did let go was because Jason's grandfather appeared and wrapped his arms around his wayward grandson. He didn't have much time to process that, though, because the little old lady he'd only met a few times before had moved onto him. He automatically hugged her back, surprised but very glad.

Finally releasing Jason, his grandfather smiled at him, his dark eyes damp. "Thank you. Thank you for coming back to us."

"Come, we've got a lot to talk about." Jason saw his grandmother glance at the matching rings they now wore. She caught his eye and grinned.

Jason felt Tommy's hand on the small of his back, checking to see if he was okay. It was a habit from when he would have been likely to freak out, one that Tommy had not been able to shake after it was no longer really needed. Jason smiled when that hand moved to his own as they followed his grandparents into the living room.

Audrey indicated that Jason and her son-in-law -- she was counting him as such, Jason wouldn't exchange rings with just anyone -- should sit on the couch. She had hoped they would come today, but would not have blamed them if they had not shown up. She knew what her son had done to Jason; she could not even get her son to acknowledge Jason existed.

It meant she and Joseph had not spoken to their son for the past year, unable to stand it any longer. Running into Jason at the grocery store had been simple luck, and as much as she would have liked to simply have grabbed him and hauled him home then, Audrey could see how surprised he was and how much hurt lurked behind those dark eyes, so much like his grandfather's.

But here he was, sitting in front of them, looking as giddily dazed as she felt.

"Thank you for coming," Audrey said her voice a bit watery. "I wasn't sure you would."

"I've missed you both. I had to see if there was still something here for me," Jason paused. "I wasn't sure there would be though."

"Jason, you're our grandson, we love you. We're not going to stop loving you because the person you want to spend your life with is another man." Audrey looked at her husband, they had had some misgivings about this when they first heard but they had gotten over it quickly. What was more important was they had no longer been able to find Jason when they arrived home from spending six months in Barbados with Joseph's brother Colin, who wasn't doing so well.

"You have no idea how much that means to me," Jason told them. "I never thought... After what happened with mom and dad and everyone else here I just assumed you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me either. I... You talked to my parents, right?"

Audrey nodded reluctantly, "We did, sweetie."

"And?" Jason asked.

Joseph sighed, "We're sorry, Jason. We have tried to talk to them but..." He trailed off, how did you tell someone their parents would have nothing to do with him?

"It's okay, really." Jason's voice was resigned. He had come to the realization that he could no longer hope to reconcile with his parents. It took too much out of him to keep wanting that. "Knowing you still care about me is more than I had expected or even hoped for."

"You can always count on us, if you didn't know what then, know it now," Audrey said firmly. "We wanted to contact you sooner but by the time we knew you were having problems you were gone. No one, it seemed, knew where you were."

"No one knew where I was for quite awhile. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, not even..." Jason glanced at his husband briefly, feeling Tommy squeeze his hand in support. "Not even the people I knew cared about me. By the time I left was having some problems. I was just lucky Tommy found me and was persistent enough to get through to me and start to help me."

"Jason gives me too much credit," Tommy put in, watching the grandparents carefully, "and I needed him and much as he needed me."

"I'm just glad you were there for him," Audrey said. "Do you... Are you still having problems?"

"No, or at least, nothing really out of the ordinary. I was..." Jason paused, not sure how to tell his grandparents what had happened. "I was assaulted by co-workers when they found out I was gay. It... That was very hard to get through. I had some problems with crowds and certain words for quite some time after that. I haven't for awhile but I tend to try and avoid situations that would remind me too strongly about what happened."

Tommy felt a familiar anger, not as fierce as it had once been but still there, at the mention of the assault. Jason was trying to downplay it for his grandparents' sake, but he knew just how much his husband had suffered trying to move beyond what had happened to him before he left Angel Grove and what had happened in his office.

He knew what it was like to watch Jason battle through his fears and also knew what it was like to see terror overwhelm him... He automatically thought back to the worst panic attack Jason had had, remembering what it was like to have to watch his love go through that.

* * *

_It had only been a few days since Tommy had left Angel Grove. He had moved in with Jason, into the little apartment he had first found him in, but they had started looking for a new place, a new start. There were too many bad memories in the little place and though Tommy would miss the bathroom, he liked that bathroom; he knew it was for the best._

_"You ready to go?" Jason asked as he pulled his jacket on._

_"Yeah. You sure you're ready?" Tommy looked at Jason intently._

_"I think so. You won't mind if... if we have to leave?" Jason asked hesitantly._

_Tommy wrapped an arm around Jason's shoulders, drawing him into a brief hug. "I won't mind at all. I'm just happy you want to try going. If we miss part of the movie that's fine. We can always try going again or get it when it comes out on video."_

_Jason sighed, nodding. He thought he could handle this; it wasn't that big a deal. Dr. Gamin had suggested he and Tommy should start going out, just doing little things, where they knew there would be crowds to help Jason get comfortable in them again. Going to the movies, and a movie that had been out for awhile already, wasn't much but it was a start._

_It seemed, Tommy thought as Jason stayed close to him as they made their way to the lobby, that the idea of being in any type of crowd scared Jason almost as much as being in the crowd. If they could get past that apprehension of what was to come it might make things easier for him._

_The elevator doors opened with a mechanical ping and Tommy started though, only to stop short when Jason's hand shot out, clutching his arm. Tommy looked at his lover, confused, to find his face had gone deathly pale, his eyes wide in fear. He followed the dark gaze across the lobby, to the man who was just walking through the front doors, where someone was working on repairing the lock._

_Tommy took a step back, recognizing the other man, and pressed the door close button quickly. The man had spotted them by now, was coming forward, but the elevator doors closed before he could get across the lobby. Tommy didn't know how he was there. How he had gotten their address or how he had gotten out of jail, but knew he had to get them safe inside their apartment fast and call the police._

_Jason's hand was still clutching his arm so tightly it was painful. He was rigid, sweating, and looked like he might fall over at any second. Tommy looked at him and swallowed hard. This was not good._

_Tommy had to half guide half drag Jason to their apartment; he was rooted to the spot with fear. He fumbled anxiously with his keys. He didn't know if the man had their address or had anything with him, he just needed to get Jason safe. Then he could call the police and deal with his own fears._

_Finally the lock clicked open and he nearly pushed Jason inside. His lover didn't even respond to it, letting Tommy guide him into the living room, onto the couch, after he had securely locked the door, worried enough to push a coffee table and two chairs against it so it really could not be opened._

_He grabbed the cordless phone and sat next to Jason, pulling his lover against him and stroking the dark hair gently as he dialled. Jason tensed, staying rigid beside him for a few moments before seeming to go boneless against him with a soft sound between a wail and a moan as the trembling started._

_Tommy tried to comfort him, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear while he fumbled for Jason's medication, still in his coat pocket._

_"911, how may I help you?"_

_Tommy opened his mouth to speak when the banging began. Tommy's eyes widened, realized who it would be._

_Jason froze for a moment; Tommy could see the stark terror on his face before he bolted. He nearly crashed into the bathroom door before stumbling to the toilet, his whole body heaving as he retched._

_"Hello?"_

_"I need the police. There's a guy at my door and he's trying to break in. He's assaulted my boyfriend once before, I don't know how he got our address or how he got out of jail," Tommy told the woman on the other end as he went after Jason._

_"He's at your door?" The woman asked._

_"Yes." Tommy knelt beside Jason, feeling the trembles that coursed through his body before Jason jerked away from his touch, hitting his elbow hard on the bathtub, his eyes wild and glassy._

_"Is someone with you?" The woman asked._

_"Yes, my boyfriend." Tommy watched as Jason tried to scramble backwards and wedge himself into the tiny space between the bathtub and toilet, his fears driving him completely. "He's having a panic attack. He's had them since he was first assaulted a few weeks ago. This one is pretty bad."_

_"Can you keep him calm until the police and paramedics get there?"_

_"I don't know. He's pretty much out of it right now. I'm trying to calm him down but..." Tommy felt helpless. He couldn't even get Jason to take his medication when he was this far gone, huddled as far away from him as he could, shaking and moaning softly._

_"Have you helped him through an attack before?" The woman questioned. "Do you want me to talk you through it?"_

_"No, I know what I'm doing; I just can't get through to him. He won't let me get close," Tommy replied. "I need to be able to talk to him."_

_"Okay, leave the phone on, I want you to give me updates on what's happening but concentrate on helping him." The woman said. "The police should be on their way. What's your name so I can let them know?"_

_"Tommy Oliver," he replied._

_"Okay, Tommy, you concentrate on your boyfriend, let me worry about getting the police and paramedics there to help," the woman told him._

_Tommy put the phone down beside the sink, sliding a little closer to his trembling lover. He stopped when Jason flinched, trying to claw his way further into the space between the tub and toilet. He kept his hands where Jason could see him, making sure to stay on Jason's level._

_"It's okay Jase, it's just me. It's Tommy. I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay," he said softly. "I'm not going to hurt you. I need you to calm down so I can help. Can you calm down for me, Jase?"_

_Jason moaned softly, making no sign he heard Tommy except for not flinching when his lover inched a tiny bit closer._

_"Shhhhh. It's okay, Jason, it's okay. I'll help you, you just need to calm down a little, okay? Shhh. Let me help you." Tommy kept talking quietly, repeating the same words over and over again, trying to get through to Jason, slowly moving closer to him._

_Finally he was beside Jason, not touching him, waiting for Jason to make that move, and still talking softly to him. Jason was still trembling, still terrified, but there was more awareness in his eyes. He very slowly, very hesitantly, reached out for Tommy, making sure he wasn't going to suddenly turn on him before letting his boyfriend gently wrap his arms around the shaking body. _

_In a few moments Jason was clinging to Tommy, to safety, his face pressed against his lover's neck as he sobbed, unable to stop. Tommy shushed him gently, keeping one arm around him while trying to negotiate the pill bottle cap with the other._

_It seemed to take forever to get the cap off but he finally did with a soft pop. He carefully coaxed Jason back, putting the pills against his lips. Jason swallowed them automatically, desperate to not be out of control anymore, not even waiting for water, before plastering himself against Tommy again. _

_"Shh, it's okay, it's okay," Tommy murmured, stroking his hair and the back of his neck gently, waiting for the pills to take affect._

_They did quickly enough, Tommy could feel Jason's body losing its tension and settling against his as he picked up the phone. He gingerly got Jason to his feet, shouldering most of his weight, and led him to their bedroom. Jason shook a little more, still hearing the banging on the door, but trusted Tommy to take care of him._

_Tommy got Jason to lay down on the bed but the only way to get him to remain there was to stay with him. If he tried to get up Jason would try to follow him despite the fact the medication was making it harder and harder for him to do anything but relax and drift off._

_Tommy had no intention of leaving Jason's side, knowing his lover was still panicky. He leaned against the headboard, letting Jason settle against him though the lean body still trembled almost violently._

_Running his fingers through Jason's mussed hair, Tommy picked up the phone again, "Hello?"_

_"How are you doing, Tommy?" the woman asked._

_"Better, I got him to calm down enough to take his medication," Tommy told her, trying to concentrate on Jason's hair beneath his fingers instead of the pounding and yelling at the door, noting the tremors beginning to ease up._

_"What about you? Are you okay?" the woman pressed._

_"I'll be fine once the police get here," Tommy answered._

_"They're coming, don't worry. Is the man still at the door? I can hear the banging. Do you know if he's armed?"_

_"He's still there. He hasn't stopped yet. I don't know if he's armed. When he attacked my boyfriend he had a stolen knife on him." Tommy's voice rose slightly in anger. "What I want to know is how this fuck got out of jail!"_

_Jason picked up on the harsh tone and stirred in his half aware state, whimpering softly. Tommy immediately sought to comfort him, letting his fingers play over the broad shoulders gently, whispering until the tremors began to lessen again._

_"Are you still with me, Tommy?" the woman's voice asked after a few moments._

_"Yeah," he replied, still trying to calm Jason. His lover seemed to relax more, sinking further into the medication's hold. _

_"The police are on their way. I want you to stay on the phone with me until they get there," the woman told him. "How's your boyfriend doing?"_

_"The medication has kicked in, I think." Tommy looked down at Jason. His eyes were closed, the tremors finally having ceased, and his face looked almost relaxed. Almost, Tommy's all too observant eye could pick up the panic flushed cheeks, still fading, and the silvery tear trails that were drying on the damp cheeks. "He's okay."_

_"Good, you just stay with him, the police..."_

_Tommy didn't hear the rest of her sentence. There was suddenly more shouting in the hallway and the banging at the door stopped. He heard someone attempt to run down the hall then the sounds of a scuffle before someone hit the wall with a loud thud. There were a short paused before the voice that had been screaming at the door started cursing loudly._

_A few minutes passed and then there was a light knock at the door followed be a new voice calling, "Sir? It's the police, please unlock the door."_

_"The cops are here," Tommy told the woman. "Thank you... I don't know your name."_

_"It's Rene," she said. "Take care now, I hope this all works out okay."_

_The phone on the other end cut off with a click and Tommy carefully slipped off the bed. Jason didn't stir._

_The knock at the door came again. "Sir? Are you alright? Can you answer me?"_

_"I'm fine," Tommy replied as he pulled away the furniture and looked through the peep hole. Two paramedics and two police officers stood on the other side of the door._

_He opened the door and stood back, letting them in. The paramedic looked at him critically, "Are you alright? We were told someone was having a panic attack over the dispatch."_

_Tommy nodded, "My boyfriend. He's in the bedroom. I gave him two of these," Tommy handed over the pill bottle, "Dr. Kris Gamin prescribed them. This isn't the first time this has happened but it's the worst I've seen so far."_

_"Okay. I'm going to check on him, make sure he's alright," the paramedic said._

_"Try not to wake him. I don't think he'll react well to seeing a strange person after that," Tommy advised. "It's hard enough when it's just me."_

_It was nearly an hour before the police left, having thoroughly questioned Tommy on everything he knew about what went on that afternoon. They would have liked to have questioned Jason too but he was well and truly out of it. The paramedics told them he would not be okay for questioning until probably the next day. They left without a fuss._

_When they were gone Tommy returned to where Jason was drifting in a drug induced slumber. Tommy grabbed a quilt from the hall cupboard, one he had brought when he removed the last of Jason's things from storage, and gently tucked it around his lover. He stood beside the bed for a few moments, just looking at Jason._

_He crawled into bed beside him, carefully drawing the prone body against his, knowing Jason was too deeply asleep to wake up if an explosion went off outside their window. He buried his head against his unresponsive lover's neck and cried, silently, until he too fell asleep..._

* * *

"So, what are these rings about?"

Audrey's voice broke through Tommy's memories. That, along with a squeeze of the hand clasping his, brought him back to the present. Jason shot him a worried look before turning his attention back to his grandmother.

"What rings?" Joseph asked, clueless as to what his wife was talking about.

"The ones they're wearing on their wedding fingers," Audrey replied.

"Oh, well, we got married about a month ago," Jason told them.

Joseph's eyebrows climbed skyward, "Oh?"

"Yeah, it's legal in Ontario now and I had a business conference to go to so," Jason shrugged. "It was something we both wanted to do. The ceremony wasn't very big but it meant a lot to us."

"The rings were actually an after thought. We had ordered them just before the wedding and picked them up when we got back." Tommy couldn't help but quirk a tiny grin remembering how they had exchanged those rings.

"Why did you need to wait to pick them up?" Joseph wondered aloud.

Jason smiled, and glanced at his husband again, "We had them inscribed."

Audrey elbowed Joseph before he could ask what the inscription was. He looked at her oddly but before he could comment Audrey spoke again, "Next time something like this happens we expect to be included."

They couldn't help it, they had to laugh. That was the same thing they had been hearing from their other family since they arrived!

* * *

Tommy settled back into Jason's arms, having retrieved his empty glass of what had been rum and coke from a very giggly Kat. The Australian hardly ever drank and the few glasses of champagne and wine she had had during the course of the reception had gone straight to her head. Most of the former Rangers felt a bit tipsy, having had to toast one too many times, at what had become a joint reception, or something like that at least.

Tommy was feeling the effects of one drink too many himself. He wasn't drunk, just a glass over his limit, well, a glass and a half when the glass Kat had stolen half way through was counted. He wasn't planning on having anymore. For one thing, the bar was closed, which was why Kat had stolen his drink in the first place!

Jason, he knew, had had a little champagne when the toasts were being done but that was probably it. Jason didn't like drinking, or more precisely, didn't like not being in full command of his senses. Besides, he was pretty sure Trini had only had a glass of champagne and a glass of wine. He wasn't sure if Billy had had too much... No, Billy's face was a bit flushed and he didn't think it was because Trini was sitting on his lap. Zack... He remembered that Zack didn't drink at all, he just couldn't remember why at the moment.

It was only the former Rangers left, sitting around Billy and Trini's back yard where the reception had been held. All the other guests and caterers, and the bar unfortunately, had cleared away, the family, Morphin' to Zeo, closing ranks for awhile.

The wedding had gone off with only one hitch; it had rained for awhile in the morning. But after the short shower it had become a beautiful day and by the time the reception had rolled around the grass in the backyard was dry. Most of guests had been a bit surprised to find out they were also celebrating Jason and Tommy's wedding but no one raised a word of protest, except for some good natured grumbling about the length of the speeches, and proceeded to have one hell of a party.

The last to leave were the other Rangers, some drunker than Kat. Tommy distinctly remembered seeing Cassie and TJ helping get Justin into a cab. They, being an extended part of the family, had insisted on staying to hear all the details of Jason and Tommy's wedding and also taken a surplus of ridiculous pictures, including Kat falling out of her chair.

Now it was just them once more and as soon as the last guest outside their circle had left Kim pointed a finger at Tommy, put down her wine glass and said, "I'm still mad at you?"

"You are?" Tommy stifled a giggle, placing his rescued, but empty glass on a chair.

"Yes... I think I am. Why am I mad at them?" Kim asked, looking at her husband to remind her.

"They didn't invite you to their wedding," Rocky reminded her, taking the still half full wine glass out of her hand and tipping it into the grass when she turned back to them.

"That's right! You didn't invite me to your wedding!" Kim shook her finger at them. "Bad boys. I invited you to mine!"

Adam was giggling so hard he fell out of his chair which only made him laugh harder. Tanya shot Rocky a dirty look, "Did you have to spike all of his drinks?"

"How often do I get a chance to get frog boy drunk?" Rocky replied with a grin of his own.

Tanya had to turn her head to hide her own smile and Rocky proceeded to make faces behind her. Kat guffawed, rolling around on the grass until she could stop laughing, having never gotten up after Tommy snatched his empty glass back.

Tommy had someone gotten involved in what seemed like a staring contest with Billy. Finally he blinked, then scowled, and demanded, "What?"

Billy blinked, "I cannot tell you how glad I was to see you let your hair lengthen again because, quite frankly, when you had it short it looked like someone had stuck a deceased hedgehog on your scalp."

Kat and Adam howled with laughter and Kim would have fallen off her chair if Rocky hadn't had his arms around her waist. Jason laughed so hard he almost started to cry, finally managing to gasp out, "I don't know what's funnier, that Billy still uses technobabble when he's drunk or that that is exactly what I thought the first time I saw that haircut!"

Tommy attempted to look offended, especially since Jason was laughing so hard he had to get off him but after a few minutes he started laughing too, remembering how much he had regretted that haircut.

"Trini, your wedding was so beautiful. Your dress was beautiful and the flowers were beautiful and I want my wedding to be that beautiful!" Kat sat up and flung her arms out every time she said beautiful, finally falling back onto the grass when she flung them too far on the last one.

"I hope she remembers we're already married in the morning!" Zack said with a smile.

Kat rolled over, grinned at him, and proceeded to crawl towards him, only getting half way because Kim decided to throw a shoe at her before collapsing out of Rocky's lap in another fit of giggles.

"And people say I'm the rowdy one in the family!" Rocky grinned hugely before looking at Tanya, "I guess I shouldn't have spiked everyone's drinks so often, huh? How'd you manage to avoid it?"

Tanya rolled her eyes, "Simple. I never drink anything I see you near. I remember Christmas last year thank you very much!"

"Rocky, what did I tell you about spiking people's drinks at my wedding?" Trini asked, her grin ruining her attempt to be threatening.

"Wait until the speeches are finished, not too much and not the people who don't drink," Rocky replied. "And I didn't! I only did about two each; just enough to get people a little smashed after they'd had their own drinks. I didn't put anything in any of Kim's drinks."

He paused, frowning, as Kim got to her feet and went over to sit on Adam's stomach. When Adam gave an oof of protest she patted his head and looked around for her wine glass. "Actually, someone, I don't know who, tried to spike my drink. They didn't do the best job, I tasted it right away."

Tanya caught Trini's eye and mouthed, "dammit" but Rocky caught it and gaped at her. "You!"

"Oh, you think you're the only one who can pull a prank," Tanya muttered. "But you spiked Adam's more than twice because I didn't at all, just yours Kim's and Kat's."

"I can't believe you tried to spike my drink!" Rocky exclaimed.

"You didn't drink it, what does it matter?" Zack asked with a grin. He knew Rocky just didn't want to be challenged to another prank war. They had been the last two to have one and it had gotten to the point neither of them could get through a day without having something stain their clothing.

"And you spiked my drink so turnabout is fair play! Plus you spiked Adam's!" Tanya shot back, more amused at Rocky's reaction than angry.

"Well, you're the only one who spiked Kim's," Rocky grimaced, "and we both know who she'll blame it on."

Tanya grinned, "Oh yeah!"

A shoe suddenly came flying at Rocky's head. He caught it before it hit him, staring incredulously as his wife who shook her finger at him, "No fighting! S'not allowed!"

Kat giggled, throwing a handful of grass at Kim, who retaliated by attempting to tackle her but just falling on her instead. Kat picked herself up and stumbled back to a chair.

Rocky looked at Tanya. "Why'd you spike Kat's drink? I know I didn't put that much in hers."

Tanya laughed, "She's just a really funny drunk."

Kat let out a squawk as her chair tipped and she tumbled backwards, legs sticking straight in the air. Everyone, no matter how much alcohol they had consumed, burst out laughing.

"Ooookay, I think everyone it's time I got my wife home," Zack said, as he helped Kat back to her wobbly feet. He glanced around at Kim and Adam, both of their spouses trying to get them up to go as well. "You think this is the reason the Morphing powers made it nearly impossible to get drunk?"

* * *

"How drunk are you, really?" Jason asked as he and Tommy made their way to the guest bedroom of Trini and Billy's rather large house.

"Not very." Tommy saw Jason's 'oh really?" look. "I know when Rocky is going to spike my drink, Jase, and unlike Kat I don't believe him when he says he hasn't while grinning that grin. If I tasted alcohol I gave mine to various people, though I wouldn't have given them to Kat if I had known Tanya and Rocky were getting her. I'm about a glass over what I'd usually have."

Jason grinned, closing the door behind them as they entered the bedroom, "Yeah, Billy didn't drink anything Rocky had spiked either."

Tommy frowned, turned to look at his husband as he removed his shirt, "But..."

Jason chuckled, removing the tie that had been hanging around his neck, undone, "He's wanted to say that to you for awhile."

"My hair wasn't that bad," Tommy muttered.

"Yes it was," Jason smiled, watching appreciatively as Tommy stripped to his boxers while doing the same himself, "but we loved you anyway."

Tommy rolled his eyes, "Everyone's a critic when it comes to my hair."

Jason laughed softly and Tommy glanced over at him as he attempted to take off his socks, hopping around on one foot before giving up and sitting on the bed. Tommy chuckled and decided to lose the boxers as well. "I thought I was the one who had had too much to drink?"

"You were... mmmm..." Jason's teasing was cut off as Tommy pressed moist lips against his, taking advantage of the slightly parted mouth.

The teasing stopped, giving way to more pleasurable actitivies. When they were both sated they lay side by side, panting softly.

Grinning like a fool Tommy leaned over and kissed his husband. He pulled Jason against him, sighing softly in contentment as his husband settled half on top of him, his weight warm and his head resting over his heart.

Tommy pulled the covers up around them and snaked an arm around Jason's back, the other stroking the soft hair at the back of his neck. Jason titled his head, pressing a kiss against his collar bone before sighing and closing his eyes with a whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," Tommy said softly, dropping a kiss on the dark head and settling to sleep, entwined with his husband, his beloved.


End file.
